Waiting

I'm waiting for this weekend! I can't wait to start this new program. I feel like for the first time I have a plan- and I can't wait to check it all out and get started!

Now I've adjusted my faulty thinking. Several time I just wanted to snack, because that's what I do- but I either chose not to for the sake of avoiding unnecessary calories or because when I listened to my body, I knew I wasn't hungry. Yeah me!

I've also been working out a fair amount this week. I haven't been super tight on my diet- a cookie, mac and cheese, not alot- but I just haven't been hard core. Not snacking so much like I just said but not the best meal choices every time.

And I'm down on the scale! It's really weird, I don't think I should be but I'm kinda at a low point for me. I'm not sure why - but I'll take it!

I'm glad to lose a pound or two before starting P90X. Some of the reviews I read suggested losing some weight before starting the program. I'm sure they mean more than 3 pounds. I can't wait for myself to drop 20 pounds- because it's just not happening. I've heard some conflicting comments about the program and how it affects women. I'm by no means near my goals so I know I won't totally reach them after 90 days. But I hope to make good headway. I'm hoping the building of muscle will help replace some of this extra fat I have. I know it's not a weight loss program, but I'm not particularly strong either- so I think I'll like the changes.

I just can't wait for this weekend! I wish I could meal plan for next week - but that will have to wait as well.

Faulty Thinking

So, last week I had the flu. Not a horrible thing for weight loss. Not fun. The tricky part with the flu is not ending up in a bad place as you come into the real world of appetite.

I was grain free- but when the stomach is uneasy, toast and crackers are quite yummy. I didn't want to over do anything, but I let myself slide because it was easy and I didn't feel like getting into cooking something appropriate, even after I was feeling better. I was also a single parent all week, so that was draining my energy.

I was also in a place that just didn't care. It was actually annoying when my husband came back and was still on track and wanting healthy grain-free food. Kill joy.

So that helped get my focus back to healthy. Not totally, but leaning the right direction.

I also decided that I need something, I program or a plan, and I need him to do it with me. I've seen that being on the same eating plan is helpful and keeps me accountable. I don't always like it, but I think it's been a great thing. So now I want to stretch that to my workouts.

I suggested the P90X program. I was watching an infomercial at the gym(extremely motivating while on the treadmill or elliptical) and there was a story of a girl just. like. me. The same weight- the same goals- the same everything. And her results were exactly what I wanted. 50 pounds gone. And her emphasis was just be dedicated to the plan, the diet, and keep at it. I know I can't do 90 days by myself, but maybe with a partner. He was totally on board and his brother has the program and isn't using it. SCORE! So we should get it this weekend, probably start Monday.

But until then, I have a few days to indulge.

hmmm.... NO!

This is my faulty thinking. If I have a plan, that means I'm off plan until I'm on plan. But why keep gaining weight just because I've not started the program? That's DUMB!

I was so tempted tonight to start munching. I did have an ice cream treat earlier in the evening... but one just didn't seem to be enough. And I realized how faulty my thought process was. I still craved something, but instead I turned on my DVR The Biggest Loser and did some floor exercises instead. SCORE!

Lost Hope

I'm so depressed lately, and I've just about given up hope. I was so determined to make a difference and lose some weight before all of our travel plans in May. I finally realized that despite my 'real food'-'grain free' lifestyle, I was cutting corners. I was following those rules, but I wasn't as low carb as recommended and I was concocting foods to replace the grain filled alternatives(read: almond flour pancakes).

So the next week I planned it right. No more potatoes or rice. Meat and two veggies. More salad. No dried fruit. A coconut milk fudge bar for the evening. Not low carb, but fit all the other criteria and was my one exception to whole foods. I was tracking for the first time in ages and stayed around 1600 calories.

I lost 5 pounds in 5 days.

Well, then the weekend showed up. I still did pretty good, but not as strict. Had a family dinner with fried chicken and an apple crumble(I made)but still too much sugar. Alot came home with me too. Everyday I gained another pound, gaining back 4 of the 5 pounds as I struggled to be back on the strait and narrow. I was still tracking around 1600 calories per day.

I exercised alot. Just kept gaining.

What the heck?!?!? Is there no sympathy on the scale for efforts?

My husband has a huge health program at his work(lucky SOB) and asked them about my thyroid issues and losing weight. It's all under control now, so shouldn't it be easier for me to lose weight? The response was, give it time. If it just got under control a month ago, it's not going to reverse everything on a dime.

Totally understandable. I never really thought about it, but it makes sense.

I was so upset. I cried.

It was so depressing. As if there's nothing I can do to make a difference. My body doesn't want to let go of the weight and it's not ready to either. I can be perfect and lose a few pounds, but slack off a bit and it comes back on as quickly as it left. I'm amazed I don't weigh more... but weighing only 10-15 pound less than when I delivered my third child is horrifying to me. I'm a good 50 pounds overweight and I was hoping to lose a few. But I feel like that hope is lost. I'm fighting an uphill battle that's not fair and I'm screwed every time I loaf one bit.

Oh how I wish I still had my metabolism from 10 years ago. You know as you get older your metabolism will forsake you, but 30-ish doesn't really seem that old... once you get there. But I really do believe it was the pregnancies that knocked everything out of whack for me. Doesn't mean I'm any less screwed.

I'm a single mom this week. I have alot of pasta on the menu and break apart cookie dough. I just don't care that much right now. I can't even go to the gym because I have a sick kid. I am trying not to overload on the food though, it feels gross to eat too much junk. For now.

I Threw It Away

We went to Olive Garden tonight. I decided since we're off the bandwagon that we might as well embrace the carbs we kissed goodbye. So I for Chicken Alfredo. Mike got Apricot chicken with veggies.

Kill joy.

But you know what? It wasn't as satisfying as I imagined it would be. It was missing something.

I brought half of it home and I just threw it away.

I also had just finished watching Fat Chef. Might have motivated me a little.

But it's gone. I'll have to figure out something else for lunch tomorrow.

I also made a healthy lunch for my husband, who detested his Wendy's lunch today.

Time to suck it up and be the good wife. I don't want to be this fat come summer.

Back on Track

So we're back on track and making progress! Last Sunday we started again, with a plan and prepared alot of food for the week. I also focused on having more veggies with each mean, since that was kinda lacking the last time ~ mostly just with lunches. Sweet treats were still a problem, so I tried a few brownie recipes- and now I think brownies are ruined for me. I initially thought it was the sweetener I used, but I decided it was the coconut flour I used. I just don't like it! BLAH!

So I have another plan for this week and it looks solid. I don't know if I have a solid plan for my sweet tooth. I made vanilla ice cream, but I think I used too much sweetener. The sweetener of the moment is Truvia. The ice cream was okay, and I didn't take too much, but by the bottom of the bowl my throat was kinda burning. So this is good for a small treat, as it should be. I might try to make another cookie, but I still have to make granola bars this week, so we'll see. It wears me out to make so much food!

I was worried this past weekend because we went on a mini-vacation to an indoor water park. We ate dinner out, but lunch would have to be in. And it's expensive and that sways me more than the proper diet. We decided to get a full pizza and split it. Plus pitcher of pop, which was not diet. But, I had hardly any snacks, and if I did it was just a few nuts or grapes. The pizza was incredibly filling. I had 1.5 slices... and I probably shouldn't have. The whole weekend was really about me listening to my body and how full I was. I still pushed myself when there were just a few bites of something yummy- but it was very obvious when I was full. And the results? no weight gain or loss after the water park!

I was also not so happy with my choices yesterday, the last day of the weekend. It wasn't horrible, but BBQ chicken w/ sugar in the sauce, potatoes and corn... things I probably shouldn't have. Plus some chocolates. But yah know what? I was down almost 2 pounds this morning!! Very excited!

I have a tendency to stay on track through a difficult situation/circumstance but then totally cave once I'm back in the safe zone. I was worried I just undid everything by having too many extras yesterday. I'm definitely motivated to be strong this week and keep this momentum going! I have a plan and some yummy food ideas. Just need to keep the sweet tooth at bay!

Update After Week 1

Well, it's a slippery slope with wheat. I was really having trouble satisfying my sweet tooth and eventually I just gave in and ate things I shouldn't have. I don't think I over did my regular normal eating, I just started eating carbs and stuff I shouldn't.

But I had a realization today - and I'm not sure it was earth shattering enough for me to totally change my ways for good, but definitely helpful and eye opening.

So, I got my blood work results to see if my current dose of Synthroid is helping regulate my hypothyroidism. I guess I was secretly hoping that it wasn't- so that I could change the dose and that would help me. My main issues due to my thyroidism are tiredness and lack of energy(this is a big one), depressed, lack of mental clarity(this is a troublesome one,) trouble focusing, trouble losing weight(I'm hoping!), and a few other possible things. My doctor definitely agreed that my hormones(or moodiness/mental-stuff) was or could definitely be related to the thyroid because so much is affected with the thyroid and intensified. (I'm no doctor, I'm just remembering what he told me a few months ago.) So getting it regulated should help.

Well, the blood results showed that the new, higher dose is perfect. I'm exactly where I should be now. Great.

Now, I noticed just this past week all the energy I had, the ease and willingness to get up and move and do things. I was even being more productive and clear in my thinking. But yah know what- I don't think it's because of the medication. I've been taking this dose for 6-8 weeks. Although sometimes not as regularly as I should, but definitely since the new year I've made a big effort to take it everyday- just for the blood work(and, um, me!).

So it seems to me that it was probably my diet that helped me feel better and more energetic. Which is great - because I haven't been feeling myself for quite a while. But it stinks because then I can't eat donuts all day everyday. So, I know now that choosing to go wheat free is beneficial to me- and something I can see right now. I just rather take a pill and have my issues go away. I know I don't really want to take medication and I don't really want that - but it would be easier. Besides, the only that has changed are me eating habits this past week.

So is it enough to scare me strait into a wheat-free lifestyle for good? Not really. I still would prefer to do that, but I might eat an ice cream sandwich before I go cold turkey again. My plan right now is to give it another go- possibly a little longer this time, a solid two weeks or maybe three, and see how I feel. I think I was just on the brink of feeling a difference, so I'd like to see if there's a bigger difference, especially in my mental clarity. I didn't notice any concrete improvements there.

1 Week Wheat Free

So it's been a full week of my plan. As of last Monday I've been wheat free. I haven't been as low carb as I would like, I'm having trouble taming my sweet tooth. I'm not eating white sugar, but I made cookies with agave nectar and I have about 2-4 of those a day. Also, several of my meals had potatoes in them. Not the best if trying to be low carb, but for a start week, I was okay with it.

I did cheat once on Saturday with 2 pieces of Papa Johns(+ a bowl of ice cream). I had spent the whole day baking different grain free treats and was wiped out. I had a plan for dinner, I just didn't feel like it. And Mike has been struggling with this new eating plan. He's hungry and unsatisfied often. But he's not following the plan as he should be(lots of Dr. Pepper).

So how was the week? Pretty good. I lost 2 pounds which was enough to get me down lower than I've been in a while. I've also noticed I feel better. It's hard to explain- yes my energy is up, but it just feels easier to get around. For example, sitting on the floor. I hate sitting on the floor. I do it, to play with the kids, but I feel uncomfortable and fat. Leaning forward to play the game is just annoying and uncomfortable. Well- now that feeling is kinda gone. My shape hasn't changed, I just feel less bloated or blah when sitting down.

I also noticed myself doing just a little bit more with the things I normally avoid. Yesterday I let the kids play at the playground for a little bit, and I didn't mind running around playing with them. It felt good. I also hesitated in putting Ryan down for an early nap- but I did it. (Which means a wrestling match to carry him up the stairs - no easy task!)Normally I would have let him skip the nap knowing he would get 20 minutes in the car later- and also be crabby in the evening. But I didn't choose the lazy, tired route this time. And he napped great!

So subtle difference that only I would notice, but it's nice to feel a bit more normal and proactive and energetic. I'm hoping to stay on task a little better this week. I'm really focused and want to do this. I'm disappointed when I feel I slipped just a little bit(too much trail mix w/ dried fruits..)

I mentioned I did some baking over the weekend. That was a bit discouraging at first. I made granola bars, but realized my wheat free standby recipe has some unapproved sugars- so I had to adjust. I made blueberry grain free muffins- turned out a bit dense and I'm not a huge fan of blueberries anyways(thought Mike would like these..)Also make a chocolate cupcake- tastes a bit too dark for me. I made the recommended chocolate gnash- which sounded similar to my eclair topping... yeah- horrible dark. I'm obviously not getting the hang of my new $$$ stevia sweetener... so that got ruined and then tossed. I sat at the kitchen table discouraged for a while until I thought to make a cream cheese icing. I did use a bit powder sugar to get the right taste- so the cupcakes are saved and now pretty good. I also made two batches of brownies(real normal Betty Crocker brownies) and I did try them- as I took them to party/events... they were horrible. I'm glad I passed on the good Ghirideli brownies or I might have been tempted.

So now I have to be careful to not eat too many of these treats in one day - not sure all this nut flour will help me loose weight. But it is on plan... I still need to make veggies the focus of my eating, not just wheat free goodies.

I'm just excited I'm moving down!