Thanksgiving Week

Well - this week has had it's ups and downs.

I finally saw my doctor about my thyroid. My numbers were indeed out of whack and my medication has been altered. I also made sure to specify that I got the brand medication and not the generic. I remembered him mentioning that when I first started the medication that the brand worked much better than the generic, but some how along the way I switched.

It's been 4 days and I am feeling much better. I wouldn't say I'm thinking clearly, but I have alot more energy and motivation. I feel like things are possible to accomplish. And that yes, maybe I can begin to loose weight again.

Despite some renewed hope on the weight loss front, I've eaten like a pig this week. Well, maybe not that bad- but not good. I'm holding out for New Years - but trying to not ruin myself in the meantime. Well, ruin any more...

So far the damage is +10 lbs since August.

It's very clear to me that my thyroid had alot to do with my energy levels and my mood. I just stayed up till midnight dusting the living room. I haven't dusted for at least 6 weeks. You'll know I'm better when I can actually remember when I last did something.

He informed me that so many things, and all the things I mentioned to him, can change or be magnified thru the thyroid. That was nice to hear because I was feeling rather depressed and didn't know if I needed to see a counselor. I'll give this some time to see if this helps. It's funny though - thru out the conversation he asked me pointed questions where I would answer with an example- and I kept feeling like I was not giving him the best answer or couldn't remember all that I wanted to say. Later I remembered what I should have said. And it's just another clear example of how I've lost my mind because of my thyroid. I can't believe I forgot to tell him these things!!! Not that it mattered- he got the point... but sheeesh! This mental problem I'm having is BAD!

Alright - enough said. I'll be back when I'm actually ready to make some changes.

Denial

I just dread this post. I dread all the time between this post and my last- and probably a month or two before that as well.

I'm just in denial about everything.

I'm mad at myself, annoyed and just plain depressed about where I am in all this. Life is busy and I just don't know that I have tons of time to devote to changing my weight. Although you don't need a ton of time and I'm not using that as an excuse, it just means I'm going to have to do things differently. But hey- what I'm doing isn't working anyways!

We got back from our Disney trip last week-which is just a reminder that I'm not anywhere where I wanted to be with my weight. I had a goal. I just didn't persevere and stick to any plan long enough to get solid results. So disappointed in myself.

What's worse is on the trip- I seemed to put on weight. Sure, I indulged, I planned on it to some degree! But we did walk - ALL - DAY - LONG! In the end I put on 3 pounds. Not too bad. It felt like more though because as the week went on, my clothes weren't fitting very well and I had to pick out a few of the roomier items from what I brought. So depressing and annoying.

The real blow to the ego though is viewing the Disney pictures. I always hint during events that "it sure would be nice to be remembered..." because I usually handle the camera. (And frankly, you don't get your picture taken unless your with one of the kids. Sorry, just fact of nature that kids make it acceptable to take your picture- but otherwise... well, I need to take pictures of the kids.)

Back to the point though- my wonderful husband took over some camera duty throughout the trip. At a couple points he decides to take pictures when we're unaware. Just walking to and from areas- nothing real exciting, and frankly not pictures I would want to keep or show off.

But what they show me is what I really look like.

Sure, I have mirrors in the house. I should know. But my mental image is of what and who I was before kids. Which was not skinny, by any means. (Although I would LOVE to be at that weight now!!) But my image is still the same- maybe larger, bc I know I don't fit into a size 12 anymore, but roughly the same. Obviously overweight, but still a normal shape.

Well- that's not what I saw. It's not extreme, I'm at about 200 lbs. But I look round. I look... wide. I look horrible!

I always try to see the curve in my waist or the pleasing neckline of a shirt, or the right length of the capri pants. I look to see how a shirt fits, but I don't see the shape that it's fitting.

I'm so embarrassed to look at those pictures. Is this how everyone sees me and yet I thought I was more normal than that? I always felt I just needed to get off the baby weight (and more would be nice) and it was just slipping from my grasp. I wasn't really fat because it was just temporary - I still had my shape and I just wasn't working hard enough to make those changes.

Well, I think somewhere along the way I slipped away from that into - fat!

I feel like I should post a picture to illustrate the blog, but I'm not going to. Why would I?? But I'll probably print some of the pictures to use as motivation. To keep me out of denial.

I guess the first step is getting on the scale in the morning.

Weekend Away

This weekend we were out of town so my amazing husband could attempt an amazing feat: the Megatransect!

This trail marathon is more climbing and hiking than it is running. I would love to just climb and hike it for fun in smaller more manageable spurts - but that's not why we were there. 850 inspired fools started the journey in 45 degree rain and mud. Ugh - could it have been much worse???

Unfortunately, my husband was unprepared for several aspects of this race, and despite all his time training, he did not finish the race. He's not upset about it though, he knew he physically could not continue on. He was not dressed warmly enough for the cold conditions. Hello- it's only Oct 1st!!! He has a cold, and if we're honest, it's probably the flu. He's congested, achy, and occasionally suffering chills and hot sweats. Despite training for a trail run, he was not as prepared for rocky, mountainous terrain. Especially the effects it would have on his one knee. He's dealt with sore ankles and toes and all sorts of stuff, but his knees never gave him any problems until race day - so obviously something about the terrain and his method of executing but him in a bad spot - that slowed him down until he quit.

I think what bothers him most is that other people he knew personally who just showed up with no previous training - finished the race. That would irk me too.

Anyways- I'm absolutely amazed at what he did accomplish and what he put his body through- it's incredible. I'm slightly jealous that he was doing the race and I wasn't... maybe sometime in the future we'll both attempt it together??? (don't tell him, I'm not ready to commit to anything out loud!)

So, a whole weekend away. It was a good 4 hour drive so we pretty much had to stay two nights. That's alot of eating out! We actually only ate out once on Friday and once on Saturday- twice on Sunday though- mostly because it was grandma's birthday so we met the family for dinner.

I definitely had a plan and strategy for staying wheat free. It went fairly well - for the most part.

Friday was good - no problem. Saturday, things started to crumble a bit. We went out for dinner and I got a burger. There really wasn't much on the menu that I wanted. I had my salad and got a side of mashed potatoes. The burger was fairly plain and blah despite the cheese and bacon. It was just kinda dry. Since I wasn't enjoying it much w/o the bud, I thought I would just eat the bun. Um, yeah - not much better. So I stopped eating the bun and just got more ketchup. Problem solved. I did eat too much though - and I regretted doing that. I knew I was full but finished my potatoes anyways, just because I could and they tasted better than the burger. I did go to the gym later that evening to put in a decent workout.

Over all Saturday was pretty good. Oh, I did have 1 cookie. So also 1 major slip up that I did on purpose. Mad at myself.

Sunday started out good - lunch I managed well, although my satisfaction level has gone down with my food choices. I also had ice cream... which is never a great choice, but most likely wheat-free. Dinner was Red Lobster. Yes, I ate a roll. I am human, yah know! And I had Parmesan crusted tilapia(which included bread crumbs.)So not very good choices over all - but I don't like shrimp or salmon... and I'm nervous to get a spicy Cajun fish, so I thought this was the best choice for me.

So this weekend could have been better - but definitely better than I would have been in the past. I'm looking ahead to this next week - and diet is going to be the key. My two days of reliant workout times is now filled with field trips. So I have no designated workout times, lots of additional obligations and need to designate time to my family so we don't' all fall apart because I'm over committed. Read: no gym this week.

I don't know, I'm relying alot on this no-wheat theory.

Official 1 week Wheat-Free

I don't know that I ever followed a diet as well as I've followed this one. It's really just one rule- but it eliminates so much in our culture!!!

I didn't cheat once, at least to my knowledge. So what are the results? How do I feel?

1. Well - first of all - it's amazing I stuck to this, and with such ease. I never stick to any diet all that well. So this in and of itself is amazing. Truly points to the increase in cravings/appetite being caused by wheat.

2. Wasn't as hungry. I was satisfied with less and needed to snack less. I kept snacks around though and would snack before a meal because my food would always be prepared after the rest of my family was fed.

3. I came down with a cold. hmmm?

4. Slightly gas-y but still able to socialize!

5. I lost 3 pounds!!! Whoo Hoo! Two pounds were in the first two days, so probably mostly water weight. That's okay.

6. I lost 1 inch in my waist and 1 inch in my hips!! AWESOME! I was a bit worried because I did measure myself halfway through the week and there was no change... but I'm very excited about this! It took me a month with Jillian Michael's to lose the same amount of inches and weight.

So I'm planning on staying wheat free. I'm limiting my other grains(mostly oats and corn) to once a day. I just tried a grain-free pancake recipe, not too bad! So I will have at least 1 more breakfast grain-free. I've also been eating a baked pumpkin-pie oatmeal. Obviously has grains but makes breakfast fast. I altered my granola recipe so it has no wheat in it, but obviously has oats. I also found some corn chips w/ flax seeds which I have occasionally for a salty/crunchy snack. But not every day. I eat chocolate. So I may need to find a grain-free brownie, that would be awesome.

This next week I plan on making more soup, to eat, probably a minestrone. I also want to try to make a cauliflower pizza crust. I meant to this week but timing didn't work out.

My biggest issue is we're going out of town for the weekend. I'm okay with that, unless we hit a continental breakfast w/ cereal and pastries. But I'll bring my snacks and granola bars + fruit. I'll make it work.

I'm actually afraid to eat wheat and have a sudden bowel movement attack! Especially when I'm out, so that helps me make wise choices when eating out. I'll report back next week!

Wheat-Free Update

Well, my first attempt at removing wheat from my diet didn't go so well. I certainly did make some wheat free choices and adjusted to accommodate, but then I would give in and choose the sweet, wheat-filled snack. So it wasn't really wheat-free.

But I'm refocused and rededicated to giving it a real try. Today is my third day totally wheat free. At least to the best of my knowledge. I say that because this evening we stopped at McDonald's for dinner after a trip to an out of town zoo. I got a quarter pounder(no bun) and I ate some fries. I knew there was a possibility that the meat would have "filler" that might contain some wheat. It must have. Within the half hour I was in desperate need of a bathroom. This can be very common when wheat is reintroduced. Although I am a bit surprised because it hasn't been that long. Of course - we are talking McD's though - not stellar food.

So I'm determined to give it a try. I keep reading accounts of how people lost weight and inches within the first two weeks. So I'm testing it out. I'm more prepared with wheat-free snacks and meal ideas. It's been surprisingly easy. It helps that it's not all carbs that are restricted so when eating out, a potato is an excellent choice! (~for the most part.) I'm eating a fair amount of fruit - which I usually resist for some reason. And I'm really not tempted by the cupcakes and fresh bread. Sure - I wanted the chicken bruchetta chibatta at the restaurant... but I got a smothered chicken breast with smashed potatoes and garden salad instead.

Right now my favorite wheat-free snacks include:
- Trail mix w/ a mix of nuts, raisins, M&M's
- Dried apricots
- Homemade granola bars(also a quick breakfast w/ some raw milk)
- Apple slices w/ PB
- Homemade yogurt w/ honey

I keep some trail mix and apricots in the car to keep hunger and temptation away when I drive. I'm trying to be more sensitive to my hunger levels. I don't eat a whole granola bar because I should finish it. I'll eat part and save the rest for later, when a few bites can hold me off to the next meal.

I'm loving waking up in the morning to see if the scale shows a difference - so far 2 pounds down!!! We'll see what tomorrow holds!

Wheat Belly

Wheat Belly by Willian Davis, MD
Lose the wheat, lose the weight, and find your path back to health

It's a book that I'm reading/already read.

It's written by a doctor who gives almost a text book explanation about wheat. I must say - to my foggy mind, it was hard to follow at times so I just skipped portions. Really, I was looking for weight loss stories and the method I should be following.

That's an actually very small part of the book. There is a great deal of interesting information regarding how wheat affect your body.

Okay - I just typed most of this blog entry and it wasn't saved and now it's lost. That's extremely annoying so I'll just get to the point of this entry.

So yesterday I attempted to cut out wheat. I wasn't tooo serious about it because I'm not really prepared to do so. But I thought I would see how it went and not worry about slipping up. He talks a bit about wheat withdrawal, so I wanted to see if I would have an issue with that. (I'm assuming I would because all diets are difficult for me!)

My eating was mostly wheat free, but not great. I had candy(wheat free!) and a side of pasta at dinner. The worst was then later(probably because I had the pasta) I said forget it ~ I want cookies tonight! So I threw some premade dough into the oven and ended up eating 6 cookies. Right before bed. How many diet rules am I breaking here?!?!

And yah know what? I'm down a full pound, the first in weeks!!! (Not that I've been actively trying too hard, but still.)

So I think it's definitely worth attempting! He does recommend not eating other processed foods or lots of other carbs but does reassure you will have success and health related results just from dropping the wheat. I think I can handle that. I can still have rice and potatoes, just not pasta. I have options. Sure, I should cut back on those things - and some days I will and some I may not.

It also gives me hope that maybe I'll be down a dress size by our Disney trip - just 38 days away!!!! Yikes!

Slipper Slope

It's been a long 4-5 weeks since I've really been on track. I feel so defeated and so helpless yet so focused on what I want. I'm my own oxymoron, heavy on the moron part.

Initially I fell off plan because I was overwhelmed and stressed. I wasn't in control of my surroundings and eventually I liked my food options more than staying in control. Well, once you start to slip, eventually you think - I might as well slip to my full potential, right? Or something like that.

So I did try to maintain some composure with my eating for a bit, until something happened, probably a weekend, and I started to over indulge. I'm not a binge eater - but I still was pushing to enjoy everything I had missed. After a week or two(-ish) of that I started to tell myself to knock it off!!! I didn't have to be ridiculous and over eat for the sake of over eating!

So I slowed down.

All this time I was still going to the gym 1-3 times per week. I had stopped the Jillian Michael's workout - the thought was just too much for me.

I've put on about 5 pounds. Could be worse.

I keep thinking if I just start small, one step at a time, then I'll start to see a difference. (see sugar post - FAIL!)My main thought was no snacks at night. This is hard for me... but I've seen results so I knew it would be worth it.

I just can't seem to do it! My husband was even going to start doing this, but he's still eating pretzels and ice cream sandwiches!!! So we're both struggling.

I've made an appt with the doctor. I want to get my thyroid rechecked. I have hypothyroidism which can slow down your metabolism. I'm thinking I'm out of whack - and not just because of the whole weight loss thing, but in other areas of my life. I've been saying for weeks now that there's just something wrong with me. It's kind of like when a mother knows her baby isn't healthy - despite the lack of fever or other symptoms... it's like that. But I just never made an appt. I'm anti-committal.

So I've finally made an appt. I'm hoping to shed some light on what's going on with me internally. I know there won't be a quick fix, but if I could just clear my mind and focus more, that might help. My main problem is remembering anything. I've bought the same item twice in one week because I thought we still needed it. I've missed two appts where I was supposed to babysit someone's kid. I forgot about that sugar post as soon as I posted it. And more and more - I just can't think strait and it's gotten worse. So I'm hoping there's something that can be done to help me in all these areas. It's a stretch, but we'll see. No good just sitting at home twiddling my thumbs.