March Goals and Day 3 of No Cookies...

My march goals are actually a combination of February and March. I can't do this every month because it would be impossible for me to actually reach these goals. This month is kind of a test to see how serious I am about losing the weight and reaching my Disney goal. Even as I drop a few pounds - it seems unreal that I would actually get back to my prepregnancy weight(please don't ask which pregnancy!). But I want it - I want it bad. So my monthly goal is to lose 5 pounds a month. I horribly failed in February - so it is possible to lose 10 in March. I've seen several people in the blogosphere lose 10 in February, so it's definitely possible for March! So let's lay out the numbers - I'd like to be 196/3 by the end of March, or April 1st which will be my WI day. Sounds good to me!

Anyways - that's my goal. I'm very excited about this week's WI because I've been doing great. I started out poorly this weekend, but I seem to have recovered and am gaining speed. As you noticed in my title - it's day 3 of no cookies. And we're not just talking cookies here - we're talking snacks. This is such a huge deal for me! I was having trouble getting to dinner without breaking down into cookie overload. Then in the evening I would always be snacking too. Always over my calories for each day. It was a habit/trend I couldn't seem to break.

I wish I could tell you how I've managed... but I don't really know. I have been exercising at night while we watch TV, and I know that's helped alot. It doesn't seem right to just sit and veg anymore, so I don't. I haven't measured myself either, but I think I'm toning up some flab. I put on some yoga-type pants and they weren't as embarrassing as I remember.

Today I'm meeting friends for Zumba and then this evening I'm meeting friends and trying my first spin class! I've always wanted to try one, but I think it's going to kill me... I'm definitely worried - especially since I have another workout planned for the day. I do have a pasta dinner planned - so I'm hoping that will help give me energy for the workout.

I don't understand myself....

So I was doing great for most of the week. The weekend was pretty good and then Monday and Tuesday were great as well. Then Wednesday... well - I just stopped trying. I just was hungry and overloaded with stuff to get done. I wanted sugar.

Today, I started out okay - I had a Mops meeting to go to - which always has a bunch of great food. I was only going to get "healthy stuff" with one dessert and 1 casserole... just small bits of the good stuff. Well, there was almost no fruits and veggies or yogurt or anything really healthy. So I ate little bits of all the junk. Including lots of sweets. I had to run an errand before home... and decided I didn't want anything I had at home... so I stopped for some tacos. I tried to make a better choice... but it's still Taco Bell. Now all I want is brownies... maybe because I have a mix in the cubbord and that's the only sweet thing in the house. I finished off the Girl Scout cookies... don't worry - it was only 3 thin mints.

But I'm just so mad. I weighed myself this morning and it was up - just from a not so good day yesterday. And today I just don't want to get back on track. I want to reach my goals and lose weight - but sometimes you just want a break and enjoy something good!

I'm so conflicted. I have this wholesome healthy organic lifestyle I'm trying to lead my family toward ~ and that's fine 80% of the time... but the rest of the time I just want to chuck it all out the window. I want the fast food - but at the same time, that's exactly what I don't want. And I can't seem to control myself the other 20% of the time... It's all or nothing it seems. I'm either eating the healthy way or the old way. My choices are either good or bad. I think I need a "good" way to eat sweets. And as the lady at WW said "I'm a volume eater." She was talking about herself, but I am too. I am not satisfied with one bite. I need the full experience/serving to feel satisfied.

It's so frustrating - I want to reach my gaols - but the hard work really sucks in the mean time. I need to get to the gym. Maybe I'll take the kids with me tonight. I think a good sweat would kick my cravings a bit. Tomorrow is my WI and I don't want to totally blow it. But seriously ~ brownies are calling MY name.

Healthy Eating Kick Start

Well.... I'm ready. I threw out a couple half-filled plates of cookies this morning. I'm ready to clean out the rest of the cupboards too. I'm just tired of this junk. Sure - I'll have some cravings. But overall, I'm ready for a change. I'm rather disgusted with myself.

So I need a plan. I don't have alot of money to buy groceries for this week(due to Christmas goodies) but we do have alot of fresh fruit from our annual Christmas fruit basket.

I realized in the past day or two of making my resolutions - that I need a plan. I'm afraid to make a specific goal - but I still need a plan. Especially to start off with. I was looking online - and I think I'm going to start with a three day Clean Living detox plan. It's pretty much all veggies, three fruits a day - and hot lemon water to start the day. Plus lots of water throughout the day.

I'm pretty excited about this. It helps I just gorged myself at Chipolte just a little bit ago. Who could be hungry? It was very good - and I loved the fresh organic ingredients... but I ate way too much and it cost more than we're used to paying. Wish we could afford it more often. ((Priorities... If we ate less at the cheap precessed restaurants we could afford it. Unfortunately, our town has very few - if any other organic choices. Off the top of my head, I can only think of Panera. I might be wrong.))

So Today - healthy eating, but tomorrow - detox plan. I do have plans to exercise some too - but I think I'll keep it easy those first few days - as suggested.

I'll have to give an official weight - I did weight myself Saturday and Sunday. It was 206.6lbs. Not happy to be in the 200s again. But not for long. WI day is Friday.

My week.

Well, I think I'm back in the game!!! I've seen the scale calm down and return to (somewhat) normal. I still need to lose 4 pounds to be back to when I quit WW. But I'm at my low point (189 on my scale). And the reason why I think I'm back in the game, is because I didn't do myself any diet favors this week! Last night I had a whole piece of cheesecake. Total stress eating. And I think I've been snacking more because the house is running low on EVERYTHING! I'm trying to stay within our food budget - and it's been hard... and the shelves would be easy to clean! So I think I've been trying to prevent starvation?? Totally stupid... I know.

I've even been a bit sick this week. I caught a nasty cold... but that encouraged me to drink a TON of tea Tuesday night.. which means I had no appetite for snacks. I could barely swallow anything but hot(sweet) liquid. But I've been feeling better - so I keep going to the gym. I skipped Wednesday, but I went Thursday and Friday. I normally don't go 4 days a week, I'm usually too busy! But apparently, things have slowed down! Yeah! So I'm going to try to keep the momentum going by hitting the gym again tomorrow(w/ my personal trainer!) and then hopefully keep my diet in line. I really need to track calories again. I'm just not there. One habit at a time. I'm getting there though. I'm feeling the momentum and I want to enhance what I'm doing... and diet is an easy way to do it! Usually sickness derails me entirely - but not this time! I can still walk on a treadmill!

Starting Out

Well, today was a bit rocky! But productive.

So I weighed in this morning. I was 190 exactly. (which at WW would be more like 200 ~ the last thing I want to do is get over 200lbs!)

So I made some good choices today - although it doesn't feel like it helped me much. I ate a healthy breakfast, no snacks at church. But then at lunch, there was nothing to eat. So I ate at the grocery store. I considered picking up fast food on the way to the store. It was a weird afternoon. I was in a very moody place. And as soon as I knew there was nothing in the house for me - I didn't want anything in the house. I wanted to eat out. So eventually settling on the grocery store prepared food was what won out. But I didn't eat great. I ate Chinese. I have no idea how many calories - I don't really care today.

But I waited to eat dinner. We take the kids to church in the evening for Awana. And I was still full from lunch, so I skipped the dinner hour. So I ate when I got home - a bit late, but now I'm not as tempted to eat an evening snack.

Although as soon as I walked into the kitchen, I saw some pumpkin cookies I had made the other day. I wanted dessert. But I grabbed some grapes. I'm making better choices. Changing habits. Although it doesn't feel like much tonight. I wasn't low cal - but I cut back on my snacking and I didn't choose fast food.

I do have a meal plan for the week - which made shopping within the budget so much easier!
Monday: Chicken and veggies
Tuesday: Ham and Broccoli Quiche
Wed: Spaghetti/ravioli
Thurs: Dirty Rice w/ corn bread
Friday: ?? maybe pizza, or homemade chicken nuggets, or eat out.
Saturday: Eating at the In-laws

Just need to keep lunches and snacks in line!!!

The good and the bad

Well - today was good and bad. Good workout wise, bad diet wise. I'm not even sure I want to disclose how bad the eating was... sigh..

Well, lets start with the good!

I went to the gym - which was great! It's been too long since I had a good work out. My goal was to make it to the TurboKick class. I thougth it started at 9:30- but apparently the rebounding class starts then, and turns into TuboKick. Don't ask me why... just makes my life harder. Anyways - I don't DO the rebounding class. I can't handle all that bouncing in my *old* age...

So, I jumped on the elliptical for 20 minutes - then headed over to the class. Apparently, 20 minutes was too long, because I missed the first part of the routine. But that's okay - I still got a solid half hour of TurboKick in. Well, I had a half hour left before they call me about my kid... so I went on the treadmill. This is the really good part. I still had some energy. So I thought I'd run. But this time, I was going to pace myself better. Normally when I run, it's anywhere from 4- 6 mph. And I can do spurts of about 5... maybe 10 minutes. Depends on my energy level. So I decided to slow it down, but to run longer(at least that was the hope.) So I did. I kept it at 4, barely a running speed, and ran for 25 minutes. I wanted to go for 30- not sure why I stopped. Mostly because I was bored, I think. But I think my energy level was waning. And by the end of all my workouts(plus an extra 20 minutes - because I forgot to turn off the HRM, I had lost almost 1500 calories. Not sure if that's really accurate, but that's all I have to go by for now. I want to recalibrate my monitor- because my reading seem high... but that's another post.

Anyways - yeah!!! very excited about running for so long! Plus - my calf's aren't killing me!!!! Usually after I run alot, I can't run for another week! But I could run tomorrow if I wanted to! (I don't think I have the time, but I could!)

Anyways - it made me really want to commit to getting to classes at the gym. I think they push my body more than just machines do. So I'll have to look at my calender and pencil this in better.

So the bad. I did pretty good eating for lunch. I had a yogurt, lean cuisine type of meal(250 calories) and an apple. As soon as I had the kids in bed, I had a bowl of ice cream. Cookie dough, my favorite!! Why is it in the house?!?! Well, it didn't have enough dough in it... so I had another bowl!!! UGH!!!! And it wasn't even that good!!! because IT didn't have enough dough either!!!!!

Grrr.....

But wait, it gets worse. I did this - KNOWING I was going to the Olive Garden for dinner. Could there be a worse restaurant??! I know - there are a few *healthy* choices there - but lets be honest, they are nothing compared to the rich goodness that is Alfredo. sigh... I did not get Alfredo, but I don't know if my meal was any better. It was the Pork Milanese. (or something like that...) I did only eat half of it though -and gave portions to the babe. I got minestrone soup - and probably ate 1 bread stick. Could have been worse... but all together - not a good eating day. Oh, and there was cake too. Don't forget the cake. (Grandma turned 80 ~ what can you do?)

Tomorrow will be better. although I don't know if I'll have time to get to the gym. I want to though.

New Week

Hi everyone. So at the start of the weekend I was ready to try some new things. Ready to take some action. And I still am! I didn't have any snacks Friday night - mostly because I had blogged about it(whatever works ~ right?!) Saturday night I caved and had the rest of the ice cream(no more than I normally would have.) I watched a neighbor girl most of the day - and, well, it was just a long day. I had a bad headache and was even a bit nauseous by the end of it. It was weird. Sunday was okay. We had a big dinner because it was hubby's birthday. And I did have a piece of cake. But then no snacks afterwards. Who would need it?!

Well, I didn't get alot of sleep last night, the little one was fussy alot! And to prove it, he's already napping at it's 9AM! So last night, when I couldn't fall back asleep, I decided that today I would track my points. I'd like to do so all week, but we'll just take 1 day at a time. I'm not sure if I'll try to stay within my points... but just tracking is a good first step for me. And I do have time carved into my busy day to hit the gym, so that's good. Not sure about the rest of the week. But we'll try! I want to go to the gym with my husband - he lifts alot at work and I'd like some pointers at the gym. I like some of the machines and feel they do alot for me, but no all the exercises. So I want to improve what I do in the time I have there. Plus I think it'll be fun.

Quick Update

So, I think the same night I wrote the last post we had Chick-fil-a for dinner! I don't know what it was - but both me and my husband were feeling low and lazy. I really didn't want to cook. Which I know lots of people feel that way, but when your spouse isn't helping... why not?! So I didn't make healthy fast food choices, but it's done. We haven't had anything else since then - so that's good. I think I'm going to go for another week. Which will be tough. Mike will be oot for a few days, and cooking gets a little lazy when he's not around. But I've already made some plans for when he's away.

Now, this weekend, not good. We went camping, and knowing we only have to eat what we bring - makes me go into fearful shopping. I bought more than I needed to, and I think I brought most of the junk! Usually it's the rest of the family(ie. campers) that bring the junk, but it was me!!! Not that I don't eat the junk anyways... let's be clear. Any different occasion is "an occasion" to eat food. Good food. But I need to realize that everyday ~ no matter what I'm doing ~ is a day to eat food for nourishment. Not just before and after my workouts. Someone (maybe WWs) had said that you should always look at food as nourishment/fuel for your body and only indulge when it's a special occasion. For example, last week when I didn't feel like cooking, fine. Get the fast food, but get the healthy fuel you need for your body. Get a salad! Now, if it's your daughter's birthday - it's okay to have cake and ice cream. See the difference? Now, do as I say - not as I do!!!!!

I'm sure I'm not going to be eating super well this week with Mike being absent. But, I'm starting with a plan and I'm figuring out when I'll workout. So that's a good start. And if I stay home, I better clean!!!!

Now, I'm off to bed. I did not sleep well camping this weekend. Not at all!

It's a journey... right?

I can't belive it's been almosta month since I've written anything. Several times I thought I shoudl write something... but I figured - "who's reading it anyways?!" and I'm not at a good point at all. And I don't really want to record the struggles and failures. I'm not proud of them.

Well, here's what's been going on the past three weeks. It's not the sole cause of my decline, but it certainly attributed to it. June 27th Mike went out of town. We went to the amusement park. And at lots of unhealthy junk. But we dont' go to often - oh well. Of course, I was about to start my period, so I was craving junk anyways - and I didn't care - so I ate whatever I wanted, eating out ALOT.

Then on June 29th - our aniversary - my father-in-law died suddenly in a car accident. It was aweful. He was only 51. It seems so unneccessary. Not unfair - because he made poor choices that day - but so unneccessary. He left a big whole in all of our lives. Even though he's not my direct family member, I'm still tore up about it. I'm upset for my husband - who lost one of his best friends, for my children who lost a great Papa, for my bil who lost his father, and for my step mil who is feeling so alone so suddenly.
Anyways - this is not a post about his death, but rather an explanation of where I've been.
So because of his death - I went with my daughter and other family members on a car trip down to Alabama where he lived. We were gone 4 days. We were fed very well. He was active in his church and the church family did a wonderful job reaching out to all of us. And they cook pretty good. (Well, except for the southern greens and stuff - yuck!)

And since then, still in period mode, just don't care mode. It's almost amazing when I cooked a meal. And all I want is a greasy burger. I did eat a few salads along the way - but not much. We were given a fruit basket which was very thoughtful. And pretty good too! But I haven't persoanlly eaten much of it.

I'm just starting to get back into the exercise routine. I went to my favorite class on Monday - but it's a different teacher. This Monday class IS NOT my favorite class. It was alot harder and organized diffrently. It wall all cardio for the first half, then strength training. On Friday the instructor mixes it up like circuit training. And looking at my HRM, I think Iburn just as many, if not more calories with the circuit training and I'm not as dead. This class got my heart rate up to 101%!!! My MaxHR is 190... which I never get to. I'm usually 186, maybe 189(but not recently) but Monday I was at 191 at one point... not sure if that's healthy.

Did I mention I quit WW? I quit the day after my fil died. I knew I wasn't doing it anyways - and I knew with such a big change in our lives - I did not need to pretend I was doing it. I had temporarily joined Jiliian Michael's website. I quit that too. I'd rather use spark people for tracking food and Jillian's videos if I'm goign to do circuit training.

So right now we're trying to put our lives back together. The house needs put back now that Mike brought back a bunch of his father's things. The gardens are horrendous... our diet is awful, our workout routines are forgotten... there is no routine really. Slowly and surely we're trying to readjust to things again. Mike went back to work yesterday after 2 weeks off. It was hard for him. I knew it would be. sigh...

Life's a journey - right?

Oh, I am determined to get back at it... although I know diet won't come right away. I don't have the discipline right now - or the time to calculate everything. But already I can tell I'm loosing the little shape I had... My stomach doesn't seem as flat... clothes are a bit tighter... I don't want to get bigger!!!! I don't want to get over 200lb again! I'm in danger of that... so I need to pick up the exercise at the very least and cut back on my eating. I am indulging every chance I get... I need to stop. But it's harder this time.

What a day!!!

So - I think I have two posts, really - we'll start at the beginning though.

So, this mornign we headed to the gym, I was late for various reasons - one being I forgot the proper shoes!!! but I got there - missed my favorite class - but that's okay. So I did the cross trainer(elliptical) for 30 minutes - that was good! It's been a long time! then I focused on abs, because what I really want is to flatten my stomach so my shirts will lay better and of course, pants fit better. After that I thought - yah know... maybe I'll try running. I had wanted to run with my friend this morning, but she couldn't make it. She's training to run a 5K, and I knew what she was doing, so I thought I'd try. And I did. I ran 5 minutes with a 1 minute walkign break - for half an hour. I did great! especially in the first half - 5 minutes flew by!!! I ran at 4.5mph - except the last 5 minutes, I did at 5mph. Whoo Hoo!!! The calorie counter says I burned 720 Calories, that seems a bit high, but possible. I already have plans to go to the gym tomorrow - so I'm excited to do more! What I need to do is get a plan for training to run a 5K...

The other half of my post - so when I got home and showered, I thought I'd look around my closet and see what I could fine. I've already tried on some flattering shirts that fit pretty good from before Ryan... but I need some flattering shorts/capris. Well, I found a pair of old shorts - the pair that was always big and losse - and have been around long enough that there's history there - and I still remember them! They fit - nto too bad, although should be a bit looser to keep from having any muffin top. I found another pair of shorts with them - not sure when I got these, but I couldn't button them. And I angles the mirror on the closet door and sat at my vanity - it's been a long time since I've worn shorts - specially shorter shorts! and I just need to knw what I look like. Well, I still look fat. I am fat. My mental image is a bit better than my actual image. And I think I'm getting closer to those two being the same thing. In pictures from the past year - I'm just shocked at how big I am!!! I look horrible. But then, when you're infront of a mirror, you know how to position yourself to look a bit better - those camaras catch you by surprise at ungaurded moments.

So, with this revelation - it was kind of depressing, but I kind of expected it, so it's not going to slow me down. I was hoping for a miracle transformation, that all those little differences I'm noticing are actually big differences - but they're not. I'm making progress, but I've lost 12 pounds, not 50. but I wonder where this leaves me? I still want to loose at least 5 more pounds(but really want 10) before our vacation... maybe I'll be able to button those shorts... but what about on vacation - I don't think I'm going to be very diciplined. And what about the rest of summer... I know and almost plan on slowing down over summer - but it's during summer what I want to look awesome. I guess I was hoping to be close to my goal by now. But there's no point in being depressed and eating a cookie... that's not going to help. I just need to focus on watching my points and getting in exercise.

I also need a plan for vacation. and for summer. I am so not looking forward to having Paige out of school for the summer... I can't stand all the fighting and whinning... but today - we'll just worry about today. My plan today is not to screw up the progress I'm making. Starting with this weekend. At the WW meeting this week the leader had a very good point. If we relax and don't track over the weekend - that's a third of the year!!!! How much more progress could we make if we didn't slack on the third of the wear! There's always a weekend or a holiday or a birthday or a picnic... let's make healthy choices!

Weigh In: Week 8

Well, I had my WI this morning. I had another one of those moments where you realize what your expectations were when you don't meet them. I lost 1.4lbs putting me down to 200lbs exactly. Which I should be relatively happy with, but I was apparently hoping for a 2 pound loss(or more). I did really well this week, except for 2 meals. And with all my activity and flex points, it should be kinda obsolete. Plus I added the 30DS into the routine and I'm eating much cleaner foods.

But - on the bright side, I still LOST weight! If I wasn't doing WW, I wouldn't have lost 12.4 pounds, I know it. And I'm loosing everyweek(pretty much) so I just have to get used to the idea that it's slow and steady. I guess I'm just feeling some pressure because I discovered this weekend that out trip is a week sooner than I thought!! So, I have 1 less week to reach my goals. So I was hoping for a solid 2 pounds to get me on my way. I'm not even sure what my goal is for the trip, Is it 20 pounds, is it 10%, is it preRyan weight? Thier all almost the same thing... I guess that's why it doesn't matter to me.

Let's see:
10% = 191.4lbs
20 lbs lost = 192.4lbs
PreRyanweight = 185-190lbs (I put on 5 pounds right before I got pregnant)

I guess I would like to be at 190lbs - so that means I have 10 pounds to loose with 3 weigh-ins left.

I need a plan.

- Fortunately, my monthly is about to be all done, so that should help - maybe I have a little water weight to go away still(Lets's hope that's the other .6+ I didn't loose today!)
- I have a calender of the 30DS program and how/when I'm goign to follow it. I will not be done by the time I leave, but that's because I'm adding in another one of Jillian's videos.
- I will write in the extra gym time I can reasonable add in - week to week.
- I will track and STAY WITHIN MY POINTS!!!! I often don't finish my daily total, but I will, even if it's just to know how much I'm going over.
- I will continue to eat "clean." I'd like to see some weightloss due to this change, but if it's just a healthier family - that's the main reason for it!
- I will try to drink more water each day. This is the hardest part of going "clean." I like my crystal light - pop tastes funny to me... but crystal light is oh so nice. sigh... I don't mind water - I just don't want it all the time... somethign a sweeter drink would go nicely with my meal..

So, it's pretty much what I'm doing, I'm just going to keep doing it and be diligent. I must say - I feel encouraged and motivated now that I've finished writing this all out!!!! THIS is why I have my blog.

My worry now, is I will be diligent until our trip - then away from home I will fall apart. I will slowly and quickly stop tracking. I will eat fast food with dilight, and never order a single salad. And then it will be summer, and I will be hit with warm weather and never make it to the gym, never get a full walk in because my kids are at akwards stages. I will eat picnic food and more and more picnic food!!!! how will I survive the summer? this has happened before, this is why I'm so determined to make progress before sumemr starts. One: so I can look decent and fit into some shorts, but Two: because weight loss will slow over the summer. I'll have to loos into what my plan should be for the summer. I'd love any practical ideas...

okay - so hopefully I didn't depress myself too much. I will get my workout in during nap time!!!