It's a journey... right?

I can't belive it's been almosta month since I've written anything. Several times I thought I shoudl write something... but I figured - "who's reading it anyways?!" and I'm not at a good point at all. And I don't really want to record the struggles and failures. I'm not proud of them.

Well, here's what's been going on the past three weeks. It's not the sole cause of my decline, but it certainly attributed to it. June 27th Mike went out of town. We went to the amusement park. And at lots of unhealthy junk. But we dont' go to often - oh well. Of course, I was about to start my period, so I was craving junk anyways - and I didn't care - so I ate whatever I wanted, eating out ALOT.

Then on June 29th - our aniversary - my father-in-law died suddenly in a car accident. It was aweful. He was only 51. It seems so unneccessary. Not unfair - because he made poor choices that day - but so unneccessary. He left a big whole in all of our lives. Even though he's not my direct family member, I'm still tore up about it. I'm upset for my husband - who lost one of his best friends, for my children who lost a great Papa, for my bil who lost his father, and for my step mil who is feeling so alone so suddenly.
Anyways - this is not a post about his death, but rather an explanation of where I've been.
So because of his death - I went with my daughter and other family members on a car trip down to Alabama where he lived. We were gone 4 days. We were fed very well. He was active in his church and the church family did a wonderful job reaching out to all of us. And they cook pretty good. (Well, except for the southern greens and stuff - yuck!)

And since then, still in period mode, just don't care mode. It's almost amazing when I cooked a meal. And all I want is a greasy burger. I did eat a few salads along the way - but not much. We were given a fruit basket which was very thoughtful. And pretty good too! But I haven't persoanlly eaten much of it.

I'm just starting to get back into the exercise routine. I went to my favorite class on Monday - but it's a different teacher. This Monday class IS NOT my favorite class. It was alot harder and organized diffrently. It wall all cardio for the first half, then strength training. On Friday the instructor mixes it up like circuit training. And looking at my HRM, I think Iburn just as many, if not more calories with the circuit training and I'm not as dead. This class got my heart rate up to 101%!!! My MaxHR is 190... which I never get to. I'm usually 186, maybe 189(but not recently) but Monday I was at 191 at one point... not sure if that's healthy.

Did I mention I quit WW? I quit the day after my fil died. I knew I wasn't doing it anyways - and I knew with such a big change in our lives - I did not need to pretend I was doing it. I had temporarily joined Jiliian Michael's website. I quit that too. I'd rather use spark people for tracking food and Jillian's videos if I'm goign to do circuit training.

So right now we're trying to put our lives back together. The house needs put back now that Mike brought back a bunch of his father's things. The gardens are horrendous... our diet is awful, our workout routines are forgotten... there is no routine really. Slowly and surely we're trying to readjust to things again. Mike went back to work yesterday after 2 weeks off. It was hard for him. I knew it would be. sigh...

Life's a journey - right?

Oh, I am determined to get back at it... although I know diet won't come right away. I don't have the discipline right now - or the time to calculate everything. But already I can tell I'm loosing the little shape I had... My stomach doesn't seem as flat... clothes are a bit tighter... I don't want to get bigger!!!! I don't want to get over 200lb again! I'm in danger of that... so I need to pick up the exercise at the very least and cut back on my eating. I am indulging every chance I get... I need to stop. But it's harder this time.