Disney Weight Loss Goal: Deadline: October

Monday, June 21, 2010


Evenings are the worst time for me!!! I can do good all day - count my points through dinner - have three left for an evening snack(like tonight) and then I go and screw it all up. Because I start to realize - "hey - I worked out today!" " I burned 1000 cals today!" And there go the points. I don't even count them - although I'm cautious - like my dh will reprimand me... but I'll eat a little more... and the ball keeps rolling.

Well - I think I had an epiphany tonight! I do so good during the day because I worked out. Well - what if I did a little in the evening. And I do mean little - like abs or some kid of floor exercise. Right after the kids go to bed. We usually wait till then to eat a snack anyways - we don't like to share with them!!!

So I think I will try that. That will give me a little more ab work - and maybe encourage me not to throw the day away.

Now if only I could stop reading blogs and go to bed!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Feeling Good - Making Progress!!

I'm not sure why I'm motivated - I guess I'm bouncing back well from TOM. I've definitly had some set backs this week - as it's strawberry season and I've eaten more than my share of sweetened desserts! But - tis the season - right? I LOVE strawberry season!!! LOVE IT!

Anyways - I wentt o my Total Body class today - I've not been in over a month. Sometimes it's a Dr appt - I was out of town two weeks - gettign ready to go camping on week - just wanted to sleep in another day... life just happens on Friday - what can I say??? Well, I was in today - and I didn't have the front mirror- but had one to my side. I know clothes can definitely make a difference, and I was wearing "cute" clothes - but I looked pretty good!!!! My mom has said that after you loose a bit a weight - it evens itself out. For example - you might initially loose weight up top - but later it'll even itself out. I think that's what happened, because I haven't lost much since I had been in class last... and I was still looking flabby then. I thought I looked pretty good today - and I could see the muscle in my arms!!! I've been working on my arms a bit - but not with very much purpose. And I've kinda been bummed that my arms still look fat. But that's my fault - I wans't too worried - just wanted a different look. We can still dream and wish even if we dont' take the actions to get there - right? So anyways - I was wondering how that muscle got there - since I wasn't doing much. Must be the occasional boot camp and 300 push ups these crazy classes make me do from time to time.

I had such a great class today!

I really love the Total Body class- because it pushes me - and works those ugly areas(like thighs!!!) but I can still go to the gym tomorrow. Boot camp and kickboxing are awesome - because they're hard and get you results quickly - but oh my!!! I can't do too much for the next week - least of all run!!!

So I've been stepping on my home scale - I'm getting close to my pre-Ryan weight. Lovign that!! It's motivating me because I could get down there in just two weeks if I try and really stay on track. That would be another 5 pounds lost! Although technically I need to loose 10 pounds to be the real pre-Ryan weight. I think I either got lazy or it was the pregnancy itself - and I put on 5 pounds. Then I found out I was preggo. But I don't care- I'll start with the 5 pounds - then work towrads the next 5. It's more motivaing to me to look at my own scale - because I know those numbers... And those speak more to me that the WW numbers. At WW - it's 10 pounds higher! So at WW I'm at 195ish - but at home, I'm about to fall below 185! It seems like I've been in the 190's at WW for a long time(because I have!!!) and it seems like I will always be there. Which gives me no motivation. But it is the true number - not my scale. So when I do get the WW scale down to some low numbers - it will mean alot more to me!

This is the first time that I actually feel like I can loose some weight over the summer. I've even been eating salads for lunch!!! The world has turned upside down!!!! I am not a salad person - although I am learning to like a variety of dressings. And I'm finding some ways to make the salads tastier. If I workout - I'm definitly motvated to eat healthy.

I'm on track today - looks liek I might be down a pound - I just need to not screw it up this weekend. My obstacles: 1. Dinner out tonight. 2. Graduation party tomorrow 3. Possible lunch out with a friend on Sunday. Whew!!! What's a girl to do?!?! BUT I am plannign on going to the gym tomorrow - and right now I am very low in points because I had that salad for lunch.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


So. Have you heard about all the food debate issues? have you watched Food Inc? do you know where your food comes and what's in it?

It's a big can of worms and so much could be said. If you haven't watched Food Inc. - do so. Even if you don't change a thing - just be informed. Even if you think it's biased - maybe it is, but there's still some truth there irregardless and you can do with t as you wish.

So I'm sitting at a table with other women tongiht - and I see a water bottle. It should be filled with water. But it's pink. It's probably Crystal Light. I used to drink Crystal Light. I thought it was great because I drank my water every day. It helped keep my sugar cravings at bay. And now I won't touch it.

I was on vacation and asked my step-mil to get fresh fruit and some of what she gets is Golden Delish apples. She also shows me her collectiong of WW snacks. I had kinda mentioned to her that we've switched to organic - yet the milk is - just milk.

But is it?

What is it?

It's milk, but it's been chemically processed to be rid of harmful elements. It's from cows that are fed antibiotics.
Golden Delish apples are a GMF(genetically modified food) not to mention the pesticides sprayed on it. I don't need my apple to look beautiful to eat it. It tasted horrible to.
WW - great company - trying to offer it's clientele "healthy" alternatives. But have you read the label? what's in that stuff? chemicals! ingredients produced in a lab to make the product sweet without calories - or rich without butter.. come one people? if you can't pronounce it - why are you eating it? If you don't knwo where that product is coming from - why would you put it in your body??!!?! No wonder people have cancer!!!

I look at food completely different. If it's not organic - is it real? Which sounds off the wall - but let's look at the tomato. They're grown, but then they're taken to a factory. Wait - we need to back up!!!! Before they're taken to the factory - you can't just dump them in a truck - they'd be squished! So they're picked green - while they're still hard. Then taken to the factory to be boxed up and shipped out. but before that happens... when they're at the right stage of process - they gas them with ethylene gas. That's the stuff used to gas the stray dog noone wants. And that turns the tomatoes red. I don't know about you - but I don't usually peel my tomatoes. You're EATING THAT!!!!!

I feel deceived in so many ways. So I turn to organics. I turn to whole foods. I thirst for more information about my food and I avoid "diet" foods. Because all they're doing is filling me with chemical s and dyes that are confusing my body and slowly poisoning me. It's inhibiting my body from fuctioning to it's potential. I don't want to do it anymore!

I haven't given up regular foods. I still eat out. I didn't throw away my whole cubbord. But they're still there. Slowly - on occation I eat a diet bar. But like - one a week, not two a day. And when I break down and eat a diet bar - or flavored chips - or a frozen dinner - I taste preservatives. It's not clean to me. It's been tainted and I taste it. I still eat it - but it's lost it's luster. I know too much. And I know I made an easy choice - not the right choice or the healthy choice.

And I look at that crystal light - and to me - it's undrinkable. And I wonder - what is real food?

What have I been eating all this time? Chips are dusted in "flavorings" - what is that? it's MSG that makes me want more. It's food coloring - why do I need that!?? I'm just angry. Why was there is veil that this was real food - that this was an option? BLAH!! And you know what tastes the worst?!?! Cookies. Cookies with preservatives. I'm expecting a homemade taste and I'm deeply dissapointed. And It's like I want to stop eating it - because it's kind of gross. But I can't. I WANT a cookie. I'm invested in eating this cookie. But it's really not very good. sigh...

And then of course - what's for dinner? I don't know - are there any choices left? I guess I'm just thankful I didn't jump on this bandwagon earlier when organics wern't picking up steam. Of course - I might be healthier if I did - but the road is carved out. The information is there and more coming all the time.

Monday, June 7, 2010


Well - tonight I used every last bit of myself and took boot camp at the gym. I have mixed feelings. It's hard to repeat a class once you know what you're getting into. So I don't know if I'll be there on Wednesday.

It was alot of push ups - circuit training and then we took it outside. We ran up this big hill and then on an empty road ~ we did sprints. Lots of sprints. I probably sprinted the first three... then I just ran the rest of them. I almost skipped one. I was so out of breath. Doesn't help when you're the last one... and then start again shortly after you arrive.

But I can feel the fat I need to shead. I can feel the inner me - the this version of myself - just waiting to break out from this shell of fat. And I can feel the momentum - the speed I'll have when I drop 50 pounds. I could be up there too if I wasn't carrying 50 pounds!!! Although I put it there - I get to carry it. Not the cute blond int he front.

I feel like I've been slipping on diet and exercise and it's falling to the way side because I've lost my focus. I have no specific goal and if I miss the gym, it doesn't bother me. BUT, taking these harder classes like boot camp and kickboxing remind me of the dedication I had and want to have. I feel stronger and more in shape. I don't mind the skinny blond - I'm drawn to her. She is my motivation. I feel bad - but I'm checking out the skinny chicks as much as any guy - because that's what I want. That's my goal. Sure - my body type might be a bit different... but I'm striving for that slim look. And I know taking these awful classes will tone and chisel me to get there.

I wonder how I'd look blond?

I'll have to let you know if I go back. I think I'm up for kcikboxing, but not bootcamp... lesser of two evils, right? ;)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


I don't know why I just lose control. It like I just give up all my rights and control and I just let the old me take over. I can feel the loss of muscle in me. I don't "feel" in shape anymore. Before I was toning and training my body. Now it's just softening all over and plumping up as well. I don't like it. But I feel as if summer is here and I've lost control. My time is not my own. Meals are out of my control. and what's that? a brownie? Okay!!!

Wait. What?

No. No Brownie. NO!

Walk away Amy - you have a choice. You don't have to eat the sweet treats just because you were unexpectedly surprised.

I worry about what lies ahead - but then when the problem faces me - I'm blinded and I don't even remember there's a problem with brownies. They're good - what's the problem? Oh - they're not good for me... well, what am I supposed to do? I'm surrounded by brownies in every form. Has no one ever heard of asparagus???

I feel better when I eat clean, I just feel powerless sometimes. and at picnics I feel I have no control over what's on my plate because everyone brought the food - great food, and I need to try their dish - it's my favorite. And then the mentality that - " I will NOT not live my life!! I will enjoy the tastes of summer..." and then I fall deeper into the old me.

So, I had a realization today. BLAH! okay - I think I can get it out now.

I have a friend who is doing incredibly AWESOME with her weightloss. Since the beginning of the year she's lost 40 pounds. 40 POUNDS!!! OMG! That is so great! But here's the BLAH part. I feel as if that was my potential. We started exercising at about the same time, but she started WW at that time, I waited about 6 weeks. So I was working out(like crazy!!!) but I wasn't dieting And here I am, continuing not to diet. So I feel as if I could have lost 40 pounds, or even 30, if I had tried and been more consistant. And then I wonder - why am I going to WW? I'm avoiding the WIs because I know it won't be good. And if I wait a little bit longer - maybe then I'll have a loss. So I feel defeated and mad at myself because I can feel the fat on my body. and now know the numbers that could have been mine.

I hate when I feel defeated.

I need a goal - a real goal. Not someone elses goal... but I don't have one.