Black Friday Shopping

Black Friday shopping should be about shopping for Christmas gifts - but it's usually shopping for ourselves plus a few gifts we found deals on.

This year we didn't get into that much shopping. I've done quite a bit of shopping before Thanksgiving and we're trying to save money for Disney.

So- that said - around 10am I headed out to Kohl's. I bought two gifts and over $150 in clothes for me!

Now, I knew I'd be spending some money on myself - and I don't care that I spent all my saved clothing money. There were great deals and I feel like I own very little that fits me and it's becoming depressing. No, I haven't lost weight. I'm somewhere between a 14 and a 16. But I pretty much have 1 pair of non-sweats that fit - and I have to wear a belt because the waist isn't tight fitted enough for me. But it's ultra annoying and I feel like the belt just makes me look rounder.

Anyways - I got some great deals and I feel better - and a bit thinner wearing my new clothes. I still haven't exercised this weekend... tomorrow would be a good day. But it's also a good day to put up Christmas decorations. I will have to be very determined to do so.

What a day to start!

Yeah - the day before Thanksgiving is a great time to start dieting...

Anyways - today was actually a pretty good day! I TRACKED my calories! I was going for 1500-1600 and I think I ended up more like 1750... depends on how many calories are in popcorn. There's definitely room for improvement, but tracking for the first time in months(the whole day!) is just awesome for me...

I just got done watching the Biggest Loser - Where Are They Now episode. And it is just motivating and inspiring. I know there's some controversy behind it all- but frankly - the contestants seem happy with themselves... so who am I to knock it?

Anyways, at the end they ran a triathlon... I can only imagine running a triathlon. But you know what I realized... when the first people were running in - they did it in just under 3 hours. Well - I can move for three hours!!! And I just realize that it's not impossible for me. I can run for half an hour... I just need to push myself and see how far I can take this. I know I am capable of so much... but I feel limited. For example... I have never run outside... but winter is knocking... how can I start now? But I could if I wanted to. People do it all the time. I'm just excusing myself.

I think my first goal is to see how long and far I can run this weekend. It might not be Friday - but I will, and I'll let you know how it goes! I will at least run a 5K. I feel disappointed in myself for not getting myself together enough to be ready for the Turkey Trot tomorrow... but life has been crazy... blah blah blah. There I go again with the excuses. I might have been slowed down, but I CAN DO GREAT THINGS! I AM CAPABLE!!!

A New Reason to Lose Weight

So I had kind of a "Duh!" moment today. The actual conversation happened about a month ago - and today I remembered it and finally put two and two together.

Me being at a healthy weight is more than just wanting to look good and feel better about myself. But now I realize that my weight sets a tone for my oldest daughter. This is not my 6 year old Paige - although I'm sure it applies to her as well. But my 15 year old daughter Sarah - who I placed for adoption.

I actually get to see her and her mom somewhat regularly. They go to the same gym as me. Now, I only see Sarah why she's off of school, and today was one of those days. And seeing them and talking briefly about new healthy habits they're embarking on... reminded me of when I saw her mom a month ago.

Sarah wasn't there, but we saw mom and she(we) were talking about Sarah's birthday and how she's almost to the age where I got pregnant with her ~ SCARY!!! (on sooo many levels!) Anyways - she said Sarah was self conscious about her weight. Sarah is not fat - but still kinda between the young kid stage and grown teenage stage. Seeing her today I thought she looked better than she did this summer, actually. Anyways - her mom commented how I have never been super slim(it's okay - she said it politely...) and so she shouldn't beat herself up since she's obviously has a medium build... blah blah blah...

So today - it made me realize... I am not some hefty medium build. Sure - I look big and puffy now... but I know the real me isn't like that. I know I can be at a healthy weight and I'd look pretty good! So my daughter needs to see that. She needs to know that if she wants to - she can be and stay at a healthy weight - and I don't have to be an excuse for her.

I know alot of people want to lose weight for their kids... but I've never had health problems related to my weight... so it's never bothered me. And my kids now seem to have enough of their father's wired state - that I think they'll be just fine. They even like the healthy foods... So they're off to a good start. I just now need to get my act together so Sarah knows she can too. Not that I think she needs to lose weight... but that she's beautiful where she's at and that she isn't doomed to look like me at 200 pounds.

So today - I worked out twice. Once at the gym(ran for 25 minutes) and then at home I rocked it out to some new music hubby downloaded for me - for about 45 minutes. It felt good. I feel ready for Thanksgiving. And I got on the scale - I'm only 1 pound up from my high fluctuation... (that would be 191. 185 is the low point, just FYI.)

....sigh....

Well - I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth... I can't believe I haven't posted anything all month! Wow!

But, I don't post when I'm not actively working on weight loss. And let's face it, it's been a couple months since I've been dieting and losing any weight. But this past month has been especially difficult - personally.

And I've never thought that my circumstances affected my ability to function- but in this case it has. A situation with my son has put a strain on a friendship - plus has totally confused us in the parental role. And I've been very upset about it all. There were a couple days where I just felt like crying about the whole thing...and did.. . and most activities(except what was necessary) came to a halt. I've eaten fast food more days than not.

And just when I thought things were normalizing and we could move forward - everything got stirred up again. And I was highly upset when I realized how this friendship has been changed. Needless to say - it's upset my workout routine and my motivation and desire to do much of anything. I'm just now starting to read the blogs I used to follow, to crave something other than grease, salt and sugar. The motivation is creeping up, yet I've not taken that leap into the healthy living world.

I'm nervous to get on the scale and see the damage. But I'm eager to take it off. I feel like Thanksgiving is in my way. I've been reading about all these plans to *stay on plan*... glad everyone is being proactive. But I'm just emerging out of survival mode... I think I'll enjoy the holiday. Enjoy the face time with family and be thankful I'm not so depressed about my circumstances anymore.

It was so hard to *bounce back* like I knew I needed to. Taking care of the kids, the house and responding to my husband in a loving manner... was exhausting. It took some getting out with friends to really help me get beyond myself and my circumstances. I don't know if these circumstances are fully behind us... I know the friendship doesn't need to change... if I can get beyond myself. ...sigh... easier said than done!

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy the people you're with and be thankful.