Slipper Slope

It's been a long 4-5 weeks since I've really been on track. I feel so defeated and so helpless yet so focused on what I want. I'm my own oxymoron, heavy on the moron part.

Initially I fell off plan because I was overwhelmed and stressed. I wasn't in control of my surroundings and eventually I liked my food options more than staying in control. Well, once you start to slip, eventually you think - I might as well slip to my full potential, right? Or something like that.

So I did try to maintain some composure with my eating for a bit, until something happened, probably a weekend, and I started to over indulge. I'm not a binge eater - but I still was pushing to enjoy everything I had missed. After a week or two(-ish) of that I started to tell myself to knock it off!!! I didn't have to be ridiculous and over eat for the sake of over eating!

So I slowed down.

All this time I was still going to the gym 1-3 times per week. I had stopped the Jillian Michael's workout - the thought was just too much for me.

I've put on about 5 pounds. Could be worse.

I keep thinking if I just start small, one step at a time, then I'll start to see a difference. (see sugar post - FAIL!)My main thought was no snacks at night. This is hard for me... but I've seen results so I knew it would be worth it.

I just can't seem to do it! My husband was even going to start doing this, but he's still eating pretzels and ice cream sandwiches!!! So we're both struggling.

I've made an appt with the doctor. I want to get my thyroid rechecked. I have hypothyroidism which can slow down your metabolism. I'm thinking I'm out of whack - and not just because of the whole weight loss thing, but in other areas of my life. I've been saying for weeks now that there's just something wrong with me. It's kind of like when a mother knows her baby isn't healthy - despite the lack of fever or other symptoms... it's like that. But I just never made an appt. I'm anti-committal.

So I've finally made an appt. I'm hoping to shed some light on what's going on with me internally. I know there won't be a quick fix, but if I could just clear my mind and focus more, that might help. My main problem is remembering anything. I've bought the same item twice in one week because I thought we still needed it. I've missed two appts where I was supposed to babysit someone's kid. I forgot about that sugar post as soon as I posted it. And more and more - I just can't think strait and it's gotten worse. So I'm hoping there's something that can be done to help me in all these areas. It's a stretch, but we'll see. No good just sitting at home twiddling my thumbs.