Strawberry Sabotage

So I last wrote that I was going to take a run. Update: no run.

I don't know where my mind was, but the following day was set aside for family fun at the amusement park. So it really wasn't an option.

Monday came and I went strawberry picking with my mom and 1 child. We did alot of running around town - apparently there was a bad rain storm last week and wiped out the crops. So we were lucky to get what we did and fortunately one farm in town was unaffected. So I went out and bought a zillion strawberries. 16 quarts to be exact.

So now I'm processing all these berries before they go horribly bad. Yesterday I cleaned and froze 2 cookie sheets worth. I also made a strawberry pie - yum!!

Today my mother came over and we make 6 batches of jelly - that would be 17 jars sitting in my kitchen right now. My mom took 3 quarts of berries home with her. So I'm left with about 3-4 quarts. I want to clean them and either freeze them plain or lightly sugar them and freeze them. Maybe keep some for shortcake.

The life of a strawberry is short.

And now I'm exhausted. Maybe it's the extra sugar rush from the pie and I'm crashing... but it's alot of work!! So running is not on the list until later. I need to recoup. There's alot that's been neglected lately and my patience is thin with the kids. Fortunately I have preprepped meals or we'd be in extra trouble.

I want all this done, but there's so much else I want to do too. I've pretty much chucked the low carb diet for this week. I am enjoying the strawberries and making it through the week.

On the Verge

So it's finally summer. Well, I shouldn't speak so soon... it's been barley 65 the past two days - with the extra bonus of rain. I think we've exceeded our rainfall for the year already - so - AWESOME! (dripping with sarcasm... even that pun...)


Okay - so summer - refocus. It's summer and I'm hearing about and reading about everyone running. Not too surprising... but now I'm feeling left out. Like there's this big block party of runners and they're running a few blocks from my house so I won't be included. Which is totally absurd - I could join the runners, but I need to watch House Hunters and dream about the vacation home we'll never have. I feel like I'm missing out on this bond - this runners bond because I once attempted a habit of running. I ran a 5K - I entered the club!(metaphorically speaking) but I'm missing out on the friendship because I slipped out the back door and haven't been coming to practice.

I didn't know what I would miss. What I'm missing.

But my hip hasn't been the same since my long run before the 5K. Sometimes even just walking it goes out of place and I'm hobbling a bit. I'm not sure how much it would cost to go see a chiropractor... alot since our insurance sucks. And I don't want to go for multiple visits - just one to *fix it.*

But I feel like if I don't get out there and run soon - I'm going to burn up. You know how when you've rested a few days, unfortunately out of your routine, but then you come back with more strength and energy than you've had in a workout in a long time?? Well - that's what I feel like. I'm done being a sloth - I need to sprint! Of course, that's not super healthy to just skip the warm up and sprint - but I'm busting at my energy seems here! And although I've done some good workouts - it's not the same. I need to get out of the studio, away from the videos and Just GO.

Just Go.
I think tomorrow - I'll Just Go.

The Truth

I almost didn't WI today - until I realized it was Friday and time to do it. I'm glad I did.

My weight today was 195.3 lbs. 1.9 lb gain from last week. It was actually a whole pound higher earlier in the week, so I'm okay with this!

I'm not really okay with it, but I've discovered a bit about what and how I can eat this week.

I can not just load up on carbs. But any carbs will not destroy my day - even sweet ones. I just need to keep them in check and not over do it. So Pizza Hut was not a good idea, especially followed by DQ.

I'm not sure why I went do far off plan. The sweets have just been screaming my name this week. Every night I've had something sweet - usually with milk, which also has carbs.

But I noticed that as long as I did good during the day - I still lost a little weight even with some sweets at night. Now this doesn't mean I want to continue this trend - but it's not all or nothing either. There is a point to continue making healthy, low-carb choices during the day. It's worth making the effort, even though I'm tired of doing so.

I remind myself too that I lost weight doing this. I'm solidly below 200 lbs now... even going off plan this week - and that makes me happy. And that makes me want to continue.

Last night we had an awesome dinner - my husband said the best thing I've cooked in a long time. Chicken Cordon Bleu. It was awesome!! Not too hard.. but I wouldn't just whip it up everyday. With a side of broccoli, it was a great low card dinner that I didn't need to feel deprived or different.

I also need to get to the gym more, I've lacked on that considerable. My mom is joining the Y again this week - so we're going tomorrow. I slept in today so I missed one of my favorite classes. Sleep - it's worth it sometimes!

A day turns into a streak...

So I've not been a very good low carb dieter. I strive to do low carb alot of the time... even with my snacks. But then I've reached my breaking point and I say "Forget it! What can I eat?!?"

I think it's the stress. My husband is in the midst of changing jobs - or switching jobs. It's a confusing mess. He took a job at another company - but then his current job counter offered. But it's taken 7 business days and it's not even official yet. He ~ I mean ~ we decided that he would take the counter offer and stay with the current company. More money - yeah! But he's turning down a job in the field he went to school for - at a *nice* company. (Their good to their employees and are stable)His current company is big, but there's alot of red tape(aka BS) that makes things unfavorable. Hopefully this raise and new manager makes the difference. I'm just not sure what the right decision is. The decision is pretty much made... but it's been stressful. I really just want my husband to be happy and enjoy what he does. I think he wants to feel appreciated and respected for his work. It's also stressing me out that he hasn't told this other company yet. He's waiting until everything is on paper - which is good... but I feel bad when his start date is continually approaching. I don't do good with confrontation - it's not even me who has to deal with it... but it bothers me.

So, I spent the afternoon with a friend and her brood of kids. Nice, but there's alot of kids and it takes some work since they're so young. I kept wanting to sneak a snack. Shortly after she left and the kids started to squabble - it was decided. Pizza Hut tonight. Apparently I have not conquered the stress eating monster within. And right now - I don't care. I'll have a salad, try to avoid extra crust, maybe even get thin crust... I won't make things as bad as possible - but I've been craving this for a week now... and I might as well enjoy it and move on.

Weekend Splurge

Okay - I knew it was coming... and it came. I hope it's left. I had a carb splurge. I was kinda pissed that I did it, but I really didn't want to do the effort to stay on track. Sometimes I just want to eat - I don't want to prepare food. If someone gave me low carb easy access food - I'd be perfect. But it's alot of work and effort to make sure I have something decent to eat throughout the day!

I think tomorrow will show how much "damage" was done. I really was off about 1-2 days. I kept making low carb choices as much as possible - then follow it with a brownie.

I know being consistent is a huge key in all this. Time is ticking and I want to make more progress before our Disney trip.

Today was very up and down for me. I was emotionally drained with some things going on in our lives and after everything at church today - I was just spent. Any talking from the kids was too much and I had to go grocery shopping - and I just didn't want to. Of course I get home 10 minutes before dinner... so I need to make dinner. Let's just top it off with a big dose of guilt because it's Father's day and I've done about as little as possible to make the father of my children feel special. And I'm probably the only person on Facebook not willing to wish all father's a happy special day. I'm boycotting - because I hate feeling like I *have to* do anything.

Anyways - my emotions were all over the place - taking my energy with it. At one point it occurred to me that maybe this was the after affects of sugar on my system.

You should be proud though - I am!!! I skipped the Jamocha shake calling my name on the way home!

And something happened after dinner... I started prepping food for the week... here's a list of everything I accomplished in the kitchen - without it feeling like a big chore!

-cut and cleaned lettuce
-trimmed and cleaned spinach
-caramelized a batch of onions(for hamburgers and hot dogs)
-shredded a block of cheese
-made a mini quiche(good for 2 days - hopefully I'll love and not need to make eggs every morning!)
-started a pork roast
-Made my salad for tomorrow
-Made kids sandwiches for tomorrow(headed to the peninsula)

Weigh In!

It's nice to look forward to a WI!

Confession, I forgot about the WI last night and let myself go off plan. It started with a slice of pizza - which turned into 3. But it was thin crust and I counted all 40 carbs.

That was the door that opened up t a few chocolate covered pretzels and a small bowl of ice cream. It was small because it was almost gone. Otherwise it would have been more.

I was mad once I ate all that stuff so I did a good ab workout while watching TV. If I had remembered the WI, I might have curbed that eating a bit - but honestly, I felt a carb binge coming on. I just hope it's out of my system so I can be strong this weekend.

So what are the results?? I'm still down! -even from yesterday! So I'm extremely happy about that!

I weigh 193.4 lbs. I'm down 2.3 lbs this week! And 4.3 lbs for the month! I'd love to double that by the 4th of July. That would be amazing to be in the 180's again!!! Part of me thought I'd only be 185 by the time we went to Disney in October... so this is great! Obviously, I have some work to do - but I'm still in the groove and have the motivation.

I need some new recipes though. I need more than hamburgers and chicken breast. I don't care for steak much... One thing that's helped me is to have caramelized onions to use as a topping. It helps me eliminate the ketchup and makes hot dogs a million times better ~tastes like sausage! But I'm going to need something more to continue strong.

I'm also battling with my thought process that "I am not going to miss out on life and not eat certain foods of summer." For example - strawberry desserts. We always pick our own berries and make jam... which I can avoid. But I hate to not have any desserts... and really, I shouldn't eat berries at all, although I've had a few already this season. It'll be a trade off for sure if I decide to indulge. M=The other part of me just says "bite the bullet and lose the weight now."

Mental Games

I'm in such a groove with Low Carb eating. My only down falls are too many nuts and too much sugar free pudding made w/ milk and heavy cream. It's just calories - they add up!

I am trying to keep it all in check, I should pre-portion, but I haven't done that yet. Maybe next week.

I can't wait for Friday for an official WI. I'm already down about 2 pounds over the weekend. Who HOo!!! Weekend Power!!!

I usually go off track over the weekend, and believe me, my heart wasn't always in it, but I was motivated to see results. That's what I love about LC, I see results almost everyday. I just need to keep the momentum going(see last post about my sabotage habits.)

So, mental games.. that is the title of this post. Well - it's funny, I don't see the big picture. If you ask me how much weight I lost - I don't really know. From when? I can tell you yesterday's weight loss... but I often want to think of it in terms of a dietary change. What I remember and recall is how much weight I might have lost before I went off plan and put part of it(if not all of the weight) back on. I'm lost in the daily numbers and forget to see the bigger picture. Although despite that, I'm very excited to see the changes in my body and how my clothes fit differently. So in my mind I've only lost a few pounds on LC, despite being on it for about 6 weeks. But, if I look at the numbers I've lost 5-7 pounds on LC and alot of it recently(started taking more vitamins and supplements) and I am more dedicated and making more progress.

Another mental road block is that I feel like every bump in the journey is a new start. Sure - each day is a new day - always an opportunity to make the right/healthy choices, "but I only lost .7 lbs on that journey and 1.4 on that journey - don't forget the 2 pounds I gained on this journey!!!" and all I see and feel are this small losses and gains and it doesn't add up to much and I feel like I haven't really lost anything. In reality - I have! I've lost about 10 pounds in the past couple months! I have a new norm in my weight!

So it's worth it, I'm motivated, I just need to step back and look at my progress because my mind is playing tricks on me. Maybe I'm just sugar deprived(which I am!) but I'm so excited to be seeing results even if my mind is not always feeling it.

Low Carb Continues

Not too long ago I decided to commit to LC for another month - really dedicate to it to make a difference. My TOM wasn't the most helpful but I didn't get too far off track - although it did make the scale say some nasty things. I've been walking and exercising this week. I have been taking Zumba Toning every Wednesday - I really like it. Then I do arms at home twice a week and if I don't do arms, I'll do abs. Not hours in the gym, but something I can continue doing during a busy summer.

Plus I think my arms are shaping up.

So I WI today - well, everyday really. :) I know it's not *healthy* to do so, but it encourages me for the most part. So how was today?? My best yet!!! I'm officially lower than my WW weight. 196.3 lbs!

I've been looking forward to getting to this point for over a week now. It makes me realize that if I just stay consistent, I'll see results.. but 1 or 2 days off really sets me back a week. Because it's hard to get fully on track again - I went up in weight for a few days and then I have to re lose that weight - which is usually fairly easy - but next thing yah know 5-7 days have gone by and it's the weekend again. Let's repeat the cycle shall we?!?! NOOO!!!

I'm tired of repeating the cycle. I won't get anywhere very fast that way - which I'm obviously aware of. So this month of dedication is really important.

What else did I do this week? Well I tried two new recipes. One was a no bake jello cheese cake - it's so gross. It should be good, but it's not. I never have been a huge cheese cake person... there goes $5 down the tube. Glad I didn't go organic on that one! I also made a Florentine style ground beef creamy dish. It looks good... it doesn't taste horrible... but it needs something, like noodles or toast to put it on. I can only eat a few bites plain. So it's not going very fast, and I really don't want to eat it. Last night I had a big salad and a portion of the beef. I only ate a third or a half of the beef.

I've been eating alot less lately. At lunch time, I have been eating something smaller- then getting busy. I think it's mostly because I don't want to cook for myself anymore. I cook eggs for breakfast everyday and a hamburger at some point, either for lunch, dinner or an evening snack. My floor is so greasy!!! A few days I ate way too many peanuts, but I haven't been cheating except for maybe a bite here and there - and really, it's 2 bites a day.

I can continue this, I just need to control my environment. For example - tonight my daughter is having a sleep over... my husband suggested something fun, like Pizza Hut. I think I'm going to veto that one... we can have frozen pizza at home and I can eat a salad I'll actually enjoy and have a burger. Pizza Hut would throw off my weekend, and we just came to realize how bad that can be for me.

Update on Today

Yeah - I totally let today get out of hand. The only positive is I have a kitchen stocked with low carb foods and I strength trained my arms. Want to look good in those sleeveless shirts!!!

Tomorrow's a new day. I think it's TOM that's pulling me down. Once I get this month's hurtle out of the way I'll be awesome. Stupid hormones.

1 Month

What difference can 1 month make??

Let's find out!

I was walking with my mom yesterday and was talking about my progress from the last month. I seem to do well for most of the week then slowly - or quickly - fall apart. Sometimes I make good low carb choices, but I'm still eating things you shouldn't eat initially, like low carb pasta or a little sugar in the sauce... whatever.

So she pointed out that there's no major holidays or events coming up and that maybe I should just try to stay really focus for a period of time, say until July 4th, the next major holiday. I didn't realize until later that it was June 4th. Seems possible. I'm fairly proud of how I'd done this past month, although I wish I would have done better. But I'm still excited about the inches lost. It means alot to mean that my middle is shrinking even if the scale doesn't show it.

So I did excellent yesterday. I even passed on the leftover mexican food that was rightly mine. Loaded with carbs - so I skipped it. I wanted to cheat later - but I figured if I passed on the amazing food at lunch, I wasn't about to cheat on something dumb like bread. So I stayed strong.

Today - I was doing great. Went to Burger King with my son and didn't eat a single fry. But a few hours later when we got home - I realized I had no snacks... I ate a handful of fries. I then at a slice of pizza leftover from the night before. At least it was thin crust.

I didn't track yesterday - but I just tracked all my food for today, even the awful mistakes. I'm way over at 54 carbs, but only 1100 calories. I can save this day(caloricly) by eating a salad for dinner. I still need to finish the grocery shopping, and that will help with the snack problem. I think I will make a list of available foods - so I don't blank out and go for something easy and full of carbs.

I feel like I'm on the verge of making progress, I just have to get back on track. That starts tonight!

Re-evaluate

Okay - May is over. I have measurements. I'm down 3.1 lbs for the month and lost 1.5 inches in my waist and 1 inch in my hips. I really like that I lost inches. I'm glad that I lost some weight this month.

My monthly goal is to loose 5 pounds a month.

So is low carb really the answer??

Well, it's 3.1 lbs more than I have been losing. It's more inches than I have been melting off, so yes, I guess it's worth it. I can handle low carb most of the times and it's somewhat easy to adjust when I'm out. I do miss some carbs - some more than others. It's funny, last night I had 1.5 bowls of my high fiber cereal and I was mad that I ate it... before low carb that would have been a good snack.

So where do I go from here? At this rate I'll only lose about 15 pounds before Disney. That's like, 1 dress size. Not what I was hoping for, although it would be nice. Anything would be nice at this point!!!

So - I need to re-evaluate. Why is low carb not doing wonders as I hear so much about??

Well - I'm not being super strict. I'm not counting carbs or calories. And the past two days I've been mentally yelling at myself to "Start acting like you're on a diet!!!"

I also seem to be stalling at this weight of 197.7 lbs. I can't seem to get below it, but I'll keep coming back to it. That's nice, but I need to start losing and stop cheating.

So here's my plan:
1. TRACK!!!
2. Limits: Carbs 40 or below. Calories 1500-1600.
3. Plan for exercise. I'm canceling my gym membership do to Mike switching jobs and taking a pay cut. So now I'll have to be more determined to get good quality exercise in at home.

I think it's a good simple plan. Almost too simple. One of the reasons I like low carb is because I don't need to track as much. Well - I think I do. And I've been in the mindset lately that - just bite the bullet, suck it up and do the annoyingly hard work and lose the weight. Then you can relax, maintain and enjoy the things you "missed." So I think I will apply that to tracking. I hate it, it sucks - but lets do it for a few months - get results and move on. But if I don't do this, I'm just wasting my time and getting frustrated with little results.

I'm tired of wasting my time. It's time to pay attention and get results. I'm using SparkPeople to track. And actually - when you're on a diet and eat pretty much the same things all the time - it's easy to track. I just enter and group my meals - and it's all done.