The good and the bad

Well - today was good and bad. Good workout wise, bad diet wise. I'm not even sure I want to disclose how bad the eating was... sigh..

Well, lets start with the good!

I went to the gym - which was great! It's been too long since I had a good work out. My goal was to make it to the TurboKick class. I thougth it started at 9:30- but apparently the rebounding class starts then, and turns into TuboKick. Don't ask me why... just makes my life harder. Anyways - I don't DO the rebounding class. I can't handle all that bouncing in my *old* age...

So, I jumped on the elliptical for 20 minutes - then headed over to the class. Apparently, 20 minutes was too long, because I missed the first part of the routine. But that's okay - I still got a solid half hour of TurboKick in. Well, I had a half hour left before they call me about my kid... so I went on the treadmill. This is the really good part. I still had some energy. So I thought I'd run. But this time, I was going to pace myself better. Normally when I run, it's anywhere from 4- 6 mph. And I can do spurts of about 5... maybe 10 minutes. Depends on my energy level. So I decided to slow it down, but to run longer(at least that was the hope.) So I did. I kept it at 4, barely a running speed, and ran for 25 minutes. I wanted to go for 30- not sure why I stopped. Mostly because I was bored, I think. But I think my energy level was waning. And by the end of all my workouts(plus an extra 20 minutes - because I forgot to turn off the HRM, I had lost almost 1500 calories. Not sure if that's really accurate, but that's all I have to go by for now. I want to recalibrate my monitor- because my reading seem high... but that's another post.

Anyways - yeah!!! very excited about running for so long! Plus - my calf's aren't killing me!!!! Usually after I run alot, I can't run for another week! But I could run tomorrow if I wanted to! (I don't think I have the time, but I could!)

Anyways - it made me really want to commit to getting to classes at the gym. I think they push my body more than just machines do. So I'll have to look at my calender and pencil this in better.

So the bad. I did pretty good eating for lunch. I had a yogurt, lean cuisine type of meal(250 calories) and an apple. As soon as I had the kids in bed, I had a bowl of ice cream. Cookie dough, my favorite!! Why is it in the house?!?! Well, it didn't have enough dough in it... so I had another bowl!!! UGH!!!! And it wasn't even that good!!! because IT didn't have enough dough either!!!!!

Grrr.....

But wait, it gets worse. I did this - KNOWING I was going to the Olive Garden for dinner. Could there be a worse restaurant??! I know - there are a few *healthy* choices there - but lets be honest, they are nothing compared to the rich goodness that is Alfredo. sigh... I did not get Alfredo, but I don't know if my meal was any better. It was the Pork Milanese. (or something like that...) I did only eat half of it though -and gave portions to the babe. I got minestrone soup - and probably ate 1 bread stick. Could have been worse... but all together - not a good eating day. Oh, and there was cake too. Don't forget the cake. (Grandma turned 80 ~ what can you do?)

Tomorrow will be better. although I don't know if I'll have time to get to the gym. I want to though.

Today

What is it about Today? Why does tomorrow seem more appealing? Why not Today?

This is the mental battle I struggle with - maybe not consciously, but I do - when it comes to diet and exercise. I'm a procrastinator at heart - or maybe I'm just plain lazy and procrastination is just *nicer.*

So what is wrong with Today? Well, Today, I'm busy. Today I have alot of running around to do. I am SO stressed out, Today. And yah know what - a greasy burger ~ no, wait ~ a bowl of ice cream, yeah - Today, I just need that. And tomorrow, I'll skip the drive thru. Tomorrow, I'll skip the nighttime snacks. And tomorrow, I'll make it to that class, or wake up early or workout in the evening. Tomorrow holds alot of promise. I've not disappointed myself yet tomorrow. But Today, well - Today is shot. I screwed it up before lunchtime with the afternoon donut. Today I don't feel like cooking the "healthy dinner" and forget about eating salad. Didn't you hear I was stressed out? sigh....

So Today I need to realize that tomorrow will never come. Today I wait and wait but still, tomorrow never comes. I can dream all I want to about tomorrow - but it doesn't exist.

Until Today.

Today I will make a choice. I will choose my path. A different path. Tomorrow is now.

Big Picture Thoughts

So, I finally uploaded pictures from this summer. And there were a few of me, imagine that!! Noone takes my picture - which is mostly okay, because the few I see, I don't like very much at all.

I've been picking up cues that I'm in denial about my weight - which makes it easy to slack off. If there's nothing wrong, why work so hard to change it?! right? Well, I'm seeing some signs that I've ignored the truth. Sigh...

1. I avoid my picture being taken. Not intentionally, or so I *think.* But when I think about me in pictures - I used to remember my great smile. Everyone always used to say how photogenic I was. And in a way, I think I still am. But when I remember the recent pictures of me - I'm not too happy. I look awful!!! Blah! I'm shocked with how I look. I'll post some more recent pics soon.

2. I avoid the scale. And I'm reading in other weight loss blogs how that might be playing into the whole denial thing. I thought it was a good thing to not be obsessive. Maybe not as good as I thought! (It wouldn't hurt for me to be a bit more concerned about my calorie intake!)

3. Kinda goes with #1, My personal mental image of myself is pre-babies. My clothes tell me otherwise. But I'm surprised when I'm confronted with this truth. Maybe because I normally just look at my face in the mirror, I forget and deny that I'm actually 50 pounds heavier.

4. I can't remember!! I thought there was at least 1 more!

So, I uploaded these picture. And now I'm getting ready to get some professional pictures taken this weekend. I'm definitely going to have to go shopping!!! And I'm mad at myself that I haven't done more to loose weight in this time. Sigh... Okay - I guess they don't look THAT bad... I had some other ones, but I was with other people and I wasn't sure if they would want to be pictured in my blog. At the time of these pictures, I wasn't dieting very well, but I was exercising alot. So I feel I've slipped from this a bit as well. I've softened up a bit!

Preparing Food

I already feel productive today. I found a recipe for crockpot chicken broth. http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Chicken-Broth-in-a-Slow-Cooker/Detail.aspx?prop31=1
I had roasted a whole organic chicken just a couple days ago - so I just put the carcass in there and followed the recipe. I'm excited to make my own, and save some money. I go through phases where I'll cook alot with broth and then don't use it for weeks. And of course, organic is expensive.

It's nice to be stocking up on some staples in the freezer. Right now I have lots of freezer strawberry jam and applesauce. And now that I'm taking steps to make chicken broth - I'll be doing this more as well! Sometimes you just have to do it once to get over the hurtles that hold you back. Oh, I made spaghetti sauce, but I'm not sure it was worth my time. Although I might make my own diced tomatoes and freeze those... that would be worth it. I wish I knew more about canning, so I could save some room in my freezer. Maybe next year.

New Week

Hi everyone. So at the start of the weekend I was ready to try some new things. Ready to take some action. And I still am! I didn't have any snacks Friday night - mostly because I had blogged about it(whatever works ~ right?!) Saturday night I caved and had the rest of the ice cream(no more than I normally would have.) I watched a neighbor girl most of the day - and, well, it was just a long day. I had a bad headache and was even a bit nauseous by the end of it. It was weird. Sunday was okay. We had a big dinner because it was hubby's birthday. And I did have a piece of cake. But then no snacks afterwards. Who would need it?!

Well, I didn't get alot of sleep last night, the little one was fussy alot! And to prove it, he's already napping at it's 9AM! So last night, when I couldn't fall back asleep, I decided that today I would track my points. I'd like to do so all week, but we'll just take 1 day at a time. I'm not sure if I'll try to stay within my points... but just tracking is a good first step for me. And I do have time carved into my busy day to hit the gym, so that's good. Not sure about the rest of the week. But we'll try! I want to go to the gym with my husband - he lifts alot at work and I'd like some pointers at the gym. I like some of the machines and feel they do alot for me, but no all the exercises. So I want to improve what I do in the time I have there. Plus I think it'll be fun.

First Morning

Well, I thought I got up at a good time to make it to the gym. But I didn't realize how long it takes to iron on Girl Scout patches. So no gym today, but I might be able to workout in the basement later during nap time. That's my goal for today along with no nighttime snacks.

Why do I do the things I don't want to do?

This week has been extra busy. Busy as in ~ moving from one activity to the next ~ ALL DAY ~ kind of busy. Nap schedules have suffered... cleaning, well, it hasn't suffered because we've had company! I am impressed with how well I've handles all this activity. Because normally I stress out about it and start snapping at everyone. Now, I did have my moments, but they were relatively mild in past comparisons.

Although when you relate this to my eating and exercise habits, then they suffered. It started last week when I was *spring cleaning* the house for Paige's birthday sleepover. I skipped two PRIME workouts because I knew I wouldn't have enough time to get everything done. And then I ate ALOT of cake. Over the course of several days - I probably ate a third of the cake... well, maybe a quarter. sigh. It was good, that's all I can say. Actually, I kind of forgot about it - glad I haven't gotten on the scale!!!

Hmm, where is this post going?!? Don't sound very motivating or encouraging.

Well, here it is. I REALLY want to slim down. I feel like I'm on the verge of slimming down. If I just cut back on my portions and skipped the bedtime snacks I'd be in a much better place!!! Why am I not doing that? That's not horribly hard. I'm not asking for hard core here(because we all know I wouldn't do it....)

Here's what I'm thinking:

Reason #1: I'm focused on eating whole foods and making clean meals. Takes alot of work and energy to cook and be creative in this department. Especially when the fridge is pretty empty.

Reason #2: I just forget!!! I do! I'm not sure if it's habit, or I'm loosing my mind, or distracted from the activities of life - but I just forget that I wanted to watch my portions!!!

Reason #3: I'm stressed out and I'm eating emotionally. I just don't care sometimes. I need a sweet treat. I want a nacho cheese beef chalupa from taco bell!! It's just GOOD. It eases my stress(not really) but I think it does.

Reason #4: The goal seems so far away and out of reach. And it's easy to loose sight of the goal.

So now what. I can't just leave things this way - I'll definitely gain 10 pounds by the end of the year if I don't change things!!!

So I go back to the basics. I need motivation(that's been lacking for me). Tonight I was at the mall - and I've not shopped in a real store for quite some time! And the clothes were beautiful!!!! I was even admiring some dresses!!! I so want to go clothes shopping! But I don't want to buy BIG clothes. It kind defeats the purpose when you're not happy with your body. It's just not fun.

Oooh! I have a great idea!! A new goal!! (I know - I have a new one all the time....) But I bet my husband will be behind me on this one (you'll be jealous! ~ but my husband is great!) Maybe a mini clothes shopping spree on my birthday - if I loose a few dress sizes! Although - I'm not sure if that's really possible, that'd be like 30 pounds. My birthday is January 6th. Right after the holidays. BUT, I am feeling motivated - and I've not had an evening snack (aka finished the subway cookies leftover from dinner....). Maybe I can change. Maybe I do want this goal enough to change what I'm doing.

Tomorrow I'm going to the gym, early with the kids. Because we have to be somewhere at 10. I start tomorrow!

Quick Update

So, I think the same night I wrote the last post we had Chick-fil-a for dinner! I don't know what it was - but both me and my husband were feeling low and lazy. I really didn't want to cook. Which I know lots of people feel that way, but when your spouse isn't helping... why not?! So I didn't make healthy fast food choices, but it's done. We haven't had anything else since then - so that's good. I think I'm going to go for another week. Which will be tough. Mike will be oot for a few days, and cooking gets a little lazy when he's not around. But I've already made some plans for when he's away.

Now, this weekend, not good. We went camping, and knowing we only have to eat what we bring - makes me go into fearful shopping. I bought more than I needed to, and I think I brought most of the junk! Usually it's the rest of the family(ie. campers) that bring the junk, but it was me!!! Not that I don't eat the junk anyways... let's be clear. Any different occasion is "an occasion" to eat food. Good food. But I need to realize that everyday ~ no matter what I'm doing ~ is a day to eat food for nourishment. Not just before and after my workouts. Someone (maybe WWs) had said that you should always look at food as nourishment/fuel for your body and only indulge when it's a special occasion. For example, last week when I didn't feel like cooking, fine. Get the fast food, but get the healthy fuel you need for your body. Get a salad! Now, if it's your daughter's birthday - it's okay to have cake and ice cream. See the difference? Now, do as I say - not as I do!!!!!

I'm sure I'm not going to be eating super well this week with Mike being absent. But, I'm starting with a plan and I'm figuring out when I'll workout. So that's a good start. And if I stay home, I better clean!!!!

Now, I'm off to bed. I did not sleep well camping this weekend. Not at all!

Fast Food Update

Well, I started the Fast Food Fast(haha) on Saturday, I believe. So it's been 5 days - and I've done very well!!! On Saturday - we did have greasy pizza for lunch, so maybe that isn't part of the "plan" but it wasn't from Little Caesar's or anything. It was from the grocery store, and my husband suggested fast food, but I choose pizza instead. Not sure why I didn't think of subs... oh well.

Anyways, the hardest part was telling my mom about it. Because we always go to McD's on Tuesdays with the kids. So I told her to come on over and I'd make salads. We might try to go to some playgrounds while the weather is still nice. But I did it. I avoided the routine. I don't know why I was nervous telling her, but I was. I guess I feel bad changing our routine together. But she seemed okay with it, and it;s not as convienent to make our own lunches and go to the playground or home, but I think we'll both appreciate in the wallets as well. I get $20 allowance to spend on whatever I want. (don't fell bad for me - I have other money...) Anyways, I ALWAYS spend all $20 on fast food. Possibly on some randowm groceries... but it's always on food for me and the kids. But now I can save the money and actually spend it on myself!!! What a treat!

I must say- I was temped a bit today driving home from the gym. I caught a whiff of something tasty, and of course, I was starving. I came home and had a yogurt instead. I meant to have a salad, but I didn't want that. Maybe I'll have one at dinner.

My next step is to stop snacking. Not sure I'm *ready* for this one yet.

Supersize Me

Well, I had to go and ruin it. Spoil it for everyone probably.(and by everyone, I mean my family.) I finally watched the movie/documentary - Supersize Me. I knew this would happen, and that's why I had to watch it.

It's not like watching Food Inc. where you're learning about the "food industry" and all the processing and modifications and the unfortunate side affects of it. It's not where you're disgusted by the knowledge of what's in your food so you turn away and find a healthy alternative. Although maybe similarly. In Food Inc. a veil is lifted and you realize what you've been eating out of the boxes is not "real" food. And in Supersize Me - you know that fastfood is unhealthy, but you finially see the direct affects of eating it.

WOW!

I was really blown away by the bad ~ unhealthy effects he had due to the fast food diet. About three weeks in, I thought he was going to quit. It was amazing the symptoms he was having. The lack of energy, the mood swings, the headaches (I occationally have bad headaches - asprin sometimes helps - otherwise I need to sleep it off) and of course, the unseen damages. The damage to his liver was staggering. His cholesterol soared. He went for practically perfect ~ to~ yah better quit because these are signs of failure. and - call 911 if...

Crazy!

It wasn't just tired with some higher numbers. It wasn't just extra pounds. He actually seemed addicted to the food as well. Feeling crappy until he got to eat when he felt 100 times better. hmmm...

He gained about 25 pounds.

If you look at the numbers, he ate 90 meals at McD's. Three meals a day for 30 days. That's a little less than 2 meals a week if you look at the whole year. So that(theoretically) could be an extra 25 pounds you carry for eating fast food twice a week - and not even every week!!! Now granted, that's usually with a regular coke or milkshake. I always drink diet. And although I will have a double cheeseburger(my favorite burger there) he was often eating a double whopper it seemed. So it's got to be skewed. (plus he's a guy - and we all know women get the crap end of the stick when it comes to weight loss and gain.)

So... I eat fast food. And when I'm way off track - I eat alot of it. I find those times (I don't know how!!) where I'm alone in the car, or with just the baby - and I will stop for a burger, or a Jamoca shake. Maybe a taco. I go through periods I guess. When it's bad - I stop alot throughout the week. And other times, I never ever stop.

Right now, I've been stopping. And if I'm not stopping, I'm thinking about it.

I also have a family ritual. Just me and the kids. and grandma. We exercise. Sounds good right? Started as walking. In the winter it was walking at the mall. Kid(s) in stroller. On grandma's day off, we would stop at McD's for lunch and let the kid(s) enjoy the play area we walked past so much.

Now, we workout at the gym. Too many kids to keep in line for walking. But we still go to McD's (or Chick-fil-a) and get our play/eat time in. Every week. Without fail. And lets not forget the playdates. And the - too tired to cook days. Too busy and on the go. Or when traveling. Sometimes when we head out early for garage sale-ing.

Now, my mom ALWAYS got a salad. I could probably count on 1 hand how many times she got a sandwhich. I almost never got a salad. It just smells too good in there to eat a salad. Plus I hate salads and dressing. Blah! Did I mention my third child weighed almost 10 pounds at birth? I think there's a corelation.

Now a days, I get salads. Well, after I workout I'll get a salad. Any other time, it's highly doubtful. But the only guarenteed time I eat fast food is that day after we exercise.

So... back to the beginning on this post. I've ruined it for me and the family. I can't keep taking the kids to McD's. I can't keep doing this to myself. I wonder how much of my "mood" is due to fast food and junk? I've been in kind of a funk lately - even wondering if I need counseling - or medication. But what if it's linked to my bad eating habits? I've been stopping lately. Let's see - the last fast food I had was... wait for mommy brain to load......... well, we had chinese for dinner, does that count? and before that.... oh, the kids had Chuck-E-Cheese on Thursday... I guess it was Wed night we picked up Burger King before heading to the beach. Plus we had fast food for lunch on Tuesday(the norm...) Hmm... this is bad.

At home, I try to cook really healthy meals, and usually do pretty well. But the fast food has gotten out of hand as of late. I need a new routine.

So here's what I'm going to do!!!!! Always have to have a plan!!!! I am going to give up fast food for a week!!!! From Saturday till Saturday!!! I know - you thought I'd give it up for good. And that's the goal. But let's just start with a week. I can attain this goal and get over the hump of using it as my backup.

Okay - I'm exhausted. I will talk more about this later - but I'm very tired. Working the mommy brain used the last of my energy. It seriously took me probably 2 minutes to remember the fast food of this past week. The worst was trying to remember what happened Thursday. I had to check FaceBook to remember. Very Sad. (don't roll your eyes at me ye without child... it will happen to you too!!!!) okay, now I'm getting punchy - must sleep!

Another day

Today was a good day at the gym. I don't know what happened, but as soon as we got there - my energy seemed to spike. Maybe it was because the kids didn't fight me, or the different breakfast(egg sandwhich with cheese) - but it was nice to have that spark.

We did weights again, but the machines we don't normally use, so it was a much harder workout. Then we did the hard cross ramp for 15 minutes(we're wimps! ~ okay, it was all me, I wanted to be done.) And then the treadmill for 30 minutes. I ended my tome on there with a 4 minute run. I haven't done that in quite a while, and it was great!!!! I was lacking headphones, since my mom was with me - but it was just 4 minutes. I think I'll have to step up the running in my workout.

I did okay with lunch, but I just had to finish those two cookies. sigh... I'm done though. There's no more available cookies, I should be okay. I really want to get on track, and I feel like I'm almost there. So I'm going to keep up with the workouts and make more and more healthy food choices.