Weigh - In

Well, Sunday - I was ready to accept defeat. It had been a fairly crummy week. I was stressed, exercise was down, eating was sme good, some not so good - I didn't knwo what to expect today. I knew I wasn't going to reach my goals for vacation tim e- and then vacation would be bad (diet wise...) and then summer! when would I get to the gym? how can I control my eating all summer long??



Well, I went to WI this morning before heading to the gym. And as I heard I lost .6lbs - I realized, "Hey - I'm below 200!" hmmm.... I almost screwed this up! So as I walked out of the building, I had a new goal. Not to go back over 200lbs again. And then the numbers start gettign to yah. 200 is unacceptable - 150 is acceptable. not the most ideal, but much better! And where I'm at, with my attitude, I could easily gain what I've lost. - Unacceptable. Period.



So - I'm back at it - I had a great workout. I ate well today - except I shouldn't have had any snacks tonight... but they wern't too bad. I might even be within my points today. I really shoul track better.



My friend reached her goal and has lost 30 pounds since New Years. wow. How few people have probably done that - made a resolution and have done as well. Then I think - damn, I could have done that. and I didn't - I didn't put the same amoutn of effort into it. I worked out just as hard, maybe slightly less, but I didn't track my points like she did. I slacked more. Hense why I'm here in the first place - a problem with food.



And we were talkign today on the cross trainers(it's nice to work out together!) ~ and we're almost at the same place, weight wise. really? I mean - we've talked about it, but I didn't compare the numbers that closely... I don't know if she'll read this or not - and I don't mean any disrespect - but it's just another indication that my self image is all messed up! I was just about to be comfortable at 200 pounds - and then I realize - wait a minute - 200 is obese. but my image is still at 155 - which is okay. And only do I rarely see it in picture and realize - woah - I AM 200 pounds! why didn't anyone tell me? It's embarrasing!



So - I'm still at it. I have a new perspective on my goal. And I've talked about it with my friend - we are going to set a goal for mid to late summer(convention time!!!) So that we still make progress over the summer. I don't want ti give up - I don't want to be content. I see skinny girls walking (or running!) in the gym, and I just want to shed the fat and have the real me walk out. I can feel the extra fat - the layer of excess on me when I run. It's not supposed to be there - and I want it gone... just wish results were a touch faster!



I think my new mantra shoudl be - if you keep doing the things you've always done, you gets the results you always got. (or soemthign like that.)