So this evening, while driving, I remembered an old pair of jeans.Two actually. I liked them so much I had two. It was my first pair of stretch jeans - where have they been my whole life?!?!? I remember wearing them when I was working, after college. I was about 155 then. Until I got pregnant. I never did fit into them again, although I got close.

I want to wear those jeans again. I really want to. I think that's wear my motivation stems from.

And it got me thinking. Most of my friends now, didn't know me before kids. It's because of kids that we've come together. But they only know me - as who I am now. As a mom. As a larger size woman. But at one point, I was smaller. I wonder how different all my friends would look if I saw them in their previous life.

So - I went looking for a picture. Sadly, I could not find one. I did find several pics of me with some frumpier jeans on. Why did I have no fashion sense? I obviously would not buy those jeans now!

And the picture you see - the one at the start of the post - well, it brought tears to my eyes. That was my "before picture" when I was going to start some diet that never happened. Now, looking at the picture, I definitely had some tightening up to do in the mid section, and surely my legs as well. Well, toning up all over would have been good. But I was sooo skinny! I would love to be there right now! It's amazing how skewed and negative we are about ourselves! Are we never happy? Is it even possible to be happy? Because even when you are at the top of your game - there's always another mountain to climb. Another race to run.

I suppose what I should be learning is to be happy with who I am ~ as I am right now. But I'm just not. I just want to get back to who I was. I want to shead this layer, this coat of fat I've been holding onto. It's not who I am. Not really. I want to be free of it. I feel like I'm a fairly fit person. But I don't look like I am. I want to run and not feel the rolls bouncing around my middle and on my rear. I can feel the fat on me - and I'm ready to peel it off. I'm ready to take take back my body.

Here's another pic of ME!!! (the old me - to become me!)