Update: Weightloss at a Glance

So, I just updated my "Weightloss ata Glance" at the side of my blog. I changed it because - I'm not WI at WWs anymore, so why keep using that number. My scale is 9-10 pounds nicer than thier scale - and it's what I see day to day - so why not just show those numbers. Of course I still need to loose the same amount of weight - but whatever.

Anyways - I didn't realize that I've lost 27 pounds since I had Ryan! All I was remembering was the 16 pounds I lost on WWs. It just sounds more impressive to hear the big number! Like I actually accomplished something!!! And it makes me realize, I want that number to turn into 30 pounds... 27 is so uneven!

Huh. I don't feel like such a failure anymore! Wish I had time to workout!

Too Busy Too Bad?

So I'm in a very busy part of the month. Actually - it's just the time of year. The first week of the month is my busy time of month. But Halloween is knocking on our door step - which means all the fall fun is about to come to an end - Carpe Diem, right? But that's added into the regular obligations and schedules of life - and you get one crazy time!

Let me run my few days by you. Yesterday, well, it's over - I really don't have the energy to recap. But I stayed up a touch too late - then couldn't fall asleep because I have a chest cold. Not a good thing when your little one wakes you up seemingly moments after you settle your cough and fall asleep. I'm sure I slept longer than I did, but it didn't feel like it.

Today I had a Mops meeting(that's Mothers of Preschoolers) and it is a social event - but it doesn't mean we're not busy trying to get everyone where they need to be in the morning and not tired by the end of it. We also have lots of good food - that will be important later.

Tonight I have a Spa party - so I've been getting ready all week. It doesn't normally take this much time, but since I haven't done a Spa party in about two months - I need to reorganize and make sure everything is where I can find it easily. So I have to prep for that this afternoon and then party tonight! Normally I wouldn't schedule a Spa the same day as a Mops event(it's too draining...) but it was kind of out of my control... long story - blah blah blah...

Tomorrow night I'm hosting a Scentsy party, which I'm excited about because I don't have to do anything! Oh, excpetn clean the house I let fall apart this week. sigh...

So - too busy. We tend to make unhealthy decisions, right? Yesterday I was at a playdate(where I met up with a friend and watcher her two kids(taking them home with me) for the rest of the afternoon...) and I ate more bad crap then I meant to. But we were all just sitting around the food! Certainly mistake #1... but, I didn't eat the lunch I had made for myself. Certainly my lunch was healthier and better for me - but at least I didn't eat both.

And today - I come home, I didn't eat too bad at Mops, and normally I shouldn't eat anything when I get home, but I usually do. And there are things I should want to eat. Like the preschool party's halloween candy we brought home today... There's some good stuff int here! But I just don't want it. I feel drawn to eat it though. Because that's what I do. I eat Reese cups and other yummy chocolates. But I'm really not even hungry for them. Why would I eat them? Why do I want to eat what I'm not even craving or desiring?

Because it's habit. Habit is telling me those are my candies. He doesn't like them anyways. Habit is telling me it's okay to have a second meal right now- because I always do. But I'm really just tired and want a nap. I'm not hungry.

So I'm avoiding temptation - the temptation of habit. I put the candy in a halloween bowl out of site. And I'm thinking all the busy-ness is what's draining my appetite. I'm not too concerned, I'm glad. It's just opposite of what you hear. I'm looking forward to slowing down though.

Oh - and I think I'm still doing good because we have a solid plan for meals this week. So I'm not even thinking about hitting fast food - because leftovers(yummy ones) are int he fridge. Tonight it's lasagna!

My New Workout, so far

It's been 1.5 weeks since I've been given my new workout from my husband. The first day consisted of lunges. That destroyed my legs for about three days. But I did it again on Friday and I did much better. I don't know if I didn't do them to my best ability or what - but I'm excited to make improvements.

I also noticed a difference this morning. It actually warm out - so I grabbed my capri's from this summer. Their denim and a bit - tight. Until they've been sufficiently stretched out. So I was kind of dreading putting them on, but I've put everything else away. (60 is the new warm here people!)

Well, they weren't tight at all!!! I haven't really lost weight - but I know these are newly washed when put in the drawer - so I'm excited that maybe I've tightened up a bit within the past month or so.

There's also been another change made around here - in just the past day or two. My husband has switched out the computer chair with the fitness ball. So we can tighten and tone as we surf the web!

We'll see. Right now my back is more tired than my abs. Obviously an area that needs work.

Still motivated, making one change at a time.

Well, it's Sunday morning and I stayed home. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe it is the flu. Sometimes I feel great - let's go to the gym! but then other times I'm having a hot flash followed by cold sweats. And this cold has gone into my lungs, so I'm coughing alot. I used the Netti pot. I'll have to use that again before bed. I'm not sleeping so well with the nasal congestion.

Anyways - that's not what this post is about! Well, kinda is. Usually(and I hear this from many people) when they get sick - they get derailed from their plan. Definitely with exercise, but also with eating. Now - I haven't been "on plan" in a long time, so I suppose I never could have fallen off. But I haven't done too bad. I have been exercising this week and I think I'm more motivated than ever to start making this work! To stop wasting all my exercise time and make a difference in my plate.

I'm starting with my lunches this week. This is my weakest point. I want a nice hot satisfying lunch. It's also my weakest point when it comes to clean eating. I like a frozen alfredo meal. Now - I have found one low in calories(250) and it does have some spinach in it.. and it's *light* but it's never going to be part of clean eating. But I really don't' care for sandwiches or salads. Plus it's too much work. So this week - my plan is to roast a chicken(today) then chop up a big batch so I can put it in wraps with lettuce, tomato and brucetta or whatever... something tasty. I'm going to make this for my daughter as well - give her a break from her sandwiches at school. So hopefully this will help me. I'll have to figure out the calories, cut up some extra veggies to go with it.

My week.

Well, I think I'm back in the game!!! I've seen the scale calm down and return to (somewhat) normal. I still need to lose 4 pounds to be back to when I quit WW. But I'm at my low point (189 on my scale). And the reason why I think I'm back in the game, is because I didn't do myself any diet favors this week! Last night I had a whole piece of cheesecake. Total stress eating. And I think I've been snacking more because the house is running low on EVERYTHING! I'm trying to stay within our food budget - and it's been hard... and the shelves would be easy to clean! So I think I've been trying to prevent starvation?? Totally stupid... I know.

I've even been a bit sick this week. I caught a nasty cold... but that encouraged me to drink a TON of tea Tuesday night.. which means I had no appetite for snacks. I could barely swallow anything but hot(sweet) liquid. But I've been feeling better - so I keep going to the gym. I skipped Wednesday, but I went Thursday and Friday. I normally don't go 4 days a week, I'm usually too busy! But apparently, things have slowed down! Yeah! So I'm going to try to keep the momentum going by hitting the gym again tomorrow(w/ my personal trainer!) and then hopefully keep my diet in line. I really need to track calories again. I'm just not there. One habit at a time. I'm getting there though. I'm feeling the momentum and I want to enhance what I'm doing... and diet is an easy way to do it! Usually sickness derails me entirely - but not this time! I can still walk on a treadmill!

My Personal Trainer

Today I worked out with my own personal trainer. Normally I couldn't afford one, so I asked my husband for help! He's been working out for a good 6 months with a psycho muscle man... who knows his stuff and my husband has picked up alot. He's built more muscle , although I don't know if he's trimmed fat - and he works out at lunch. Just about every day. Geez... I wish I could workout with a personal trainer everyday at work!!!
I give him a hard time, because it's so unfair. I have so many obstacles in getting to the gym. Mainly the kids... but there's so much wrapped up in that as well! If no one is sick, and I'm not busy, and no one is napping I can get everyone ready - by myself - load them into the car, drive across town(it's really not that far) and then take them into the child watch. It was especially annoying when I New Years had just passed and I always had to park across one of the busiest streets in all of Erie - in the winter - and walk my kids across holding one hand while pushing a stroller... sheesh! There were some bitter feelings to all the single young adults who parked in the main parking lot. but I digress.

So - we had the time, he made me up a couple different workouts to push me a bit further than I do myself. So I got to try one of them out today - and I liked it pretty well! Except for the lunges, squats, and pushups, but it's hard to totally avoid those.

I'm very excited. I feel as if I've been wandering around, exercising but with no real plan. Sure I knew what I needed to do, but did I really? I do random classes and cardio equipment. I've been using the same weight machines for about 6-9 months now... I definitely needed a change. I'm hoping my personal trainer knows a thing or two and I'll start shedding more fat. I did burn more calories than I normally do - about 1150.

My mom came too, I think this will help her lose those last 5 pounds. She didn't do everything, but most everything. She skipped the pushups and mountain climbers.. but that's okay.

So, my next workout is to run on Monday. Tuesday I'll do the full routine. I'm ready!

The Silver Lining

Just a quite note here... I've been doing a bunch of baking. Fortunately not all for me and my family!!! And I'm so sick of the idea of sugar - BLAH!!!!

Do you ever reach that point where you've eaten so much junk you can't stand it anymore and therefore - lose your appetite for a couple days?? It's great!!! It's a like a reset button for dieting! And I am currently in the midst of that. I'm not hardly snacking - and if I am - it's to test the new recipe I'm using for these cookies. But I think I'll have to go by my husband's opinion because I don't like any of it!

So I hope this continues on for a bit longer - maybe I'll actually start to lose weight! As it is, I've just managed to lose the weight I've gained in the past week. I'm okay with that - at least I lost it!

I'm hoping this weekend to head to the gym with my husband - have him show me some strength training tips. Since he has his own personal trainer at work everyday! (Not really - but he might as well be a personal trainer, it's totally unfair!) Anyways... we also have the opportunity to go out to eat tomorrow night. We have the time, the money - and hey - it's Friday! But unless something changes, I think I'd rather wait till I was desperate to go out. I just don't feel like eating.

How awesome is that?!?!

Something New About Myself

In the past week or so, I've been struggling with my time and makeing healthy decisions. At the time I didn't realize how connected they were. I've been exercising, but then eating horribly. I've been wanting to cook and bake to prep for more clean meals - but I barely have the energy to do frozen pizza or spaghetti. My desires to do the right thing just didn't seem to get backed up with action.

So what did I do? I blamed it on the weather! Everyone(it seems) has been feeling particularly tired and lacking motivation. Maybe it's something about the time of year and the crummy weather. Who knows. But I decided a few days ago - it wasn't my fault. Hahaa!

So today - I skipped the gym. I could have gone... but my son needed a mornign nap if I was to accomplish all the activities in the afternoon. So we stayed home... And I started to prep dinner - Chicken Noodle Slop(lovely, I know!)I'll post a recipe soon. Anyways - I did that and decided to take the remaining chicken and make chicken nuggets. This is something I've been wanted to do, but just never had the time - or if I did - no energy. So I did.

And this is what I realized about myself: When I spend my mornings at the gym, yes, I burn alot of calories, but then I've depleted all my energy for most of the day. I do very little after lunch and the afternoon. After dinner I have renewed energy to go out or tackle a project. But that's not the right time to start cooking.

So, in a way - my taking a break from exercising, has really helped me in other areas. I can make healthy meals for me and my family. I have more energy for the whole day. I didn't have any snacks - and actually - I'm not even really craving them this evening. But when I work out - I'm depleted and don't have the willpower to hold to my decisions.

Hmm... this makes me wonder, how can I exercise without totally depleteing my resources physically??? Any ideas??

Blog Title

So, I'm surfing the net - and looking for some new blogs that I can relate to. Certainly - I'm using the titles to help guide me into which ones I want to check out first. And it occurs to me - that most titles are kinda catchy or descriptive in their purpose.

Then there's mine.

Let's Not Play Games.

Well - I picked that title because when it comes to weight loss - we all play our little games. And I'm not any different. If anything, I feel more convicted about the mental games I play. I can get in the game physically - but then I sabotage myself with dieting, thinking that my desires for weight loss and my plans for change will result in change. But I always want to wait until tomorrow to really change.

So it's a reminder to me to get real with myself - and stop playing the games.

But that's not the initial reason I picked this blog title. In my world of friends and family who diet and exercise - I have often heard about those who have been working so hard to lose this weight or tone such and such a muscle... but they're not really trying. They do the easiest machines - then never change their workout - they barely break a sweat - they don't do any strength training - and still expect results! What are they thinking?!??! But they're proud of their efforts - and confused about why they don't work. But what can you say? You don't want to burst their bubble - or be the downer - or the one person who doesn't believe in them! But of course, that's not how I feel - I'm sure there's a good way to approach these situations - but it's just easier to commiserate and maybe suggest something outside of their realm. But that's often followed by an excuse.

But am I really any different? I write myself off saying I'm not good at dieting. So does that mean I don't have to try? NO! I need to keep trying and unfortunately, I'll have to try harder than some people. And I know this is true! It's SO hard for me! I don't want to change. So I try to exercise harder and longer - am I really making any dent in my body? Maybe. I think I'm more fit. But I don't think I'm slimming. My numbers haven't changed in a while. So why do I expect change, if I'm not changing.

And here's the moral of the story... As soon as we pass judgement - we become convicted of our own transgressions. Every time, it seems. As soon as I notice a fault in someone else "they should really do something about that..." Boom! It gets thrown back in my face. I may be the only one who realizes any of this - it happens in my own head. Maybe it's just my lesson to learn.

So, Let's Not Play Games - shall we?

The week of dieting

Well, this week has had some ups and downs. I was doing real good initially counting my calories and skipping the evening snacks. It was hard though. I didn't like it. But I did it. Until Wednesday evening. I hadn't started supper and I was getting to the point where I was starving and gulping my food down to feel satisfied. Which I didn't feel at all! All I wanted to do was eat! And the dinner I had planned - was blah to me. Spaghetti. I really don't care for spaghetti. It's usually not too bad once I start eating it, but I didn't want it. So - since my husband was equally stressed out from the week - we went to Burger King. Totally not on the menu - but we were short on time and stressed out. So we did what habit has told us to do. And that night, I had ice cream. Another fail.

Thursday wasn't much better - although I knew it would end with a very rich birthday dessert when we had company over. I was doing okay with eating at lunch - stopping when I was full, even though there was more food to eat. But then before dinner, I thawed some pumpkin cookies. And I ate most of them. I was - again - very stressed by getting the house ready for guests. And I did have that extremely rich dessert - and ate beyond full. Why do I do this?!?!?

But yah know what? Today I'm totally back on track! Although I haven't counted my calories - I will though. My friend left three brownies - and I haven't touched them at all!!! Shocking even to myself! I went to the local cider mill because we needed bread for lunch, and I did buy a half gallon of cider(for my husband) and a half dozen cookies - again, not for me - and then 1 donut for my son. And with all these treats, I had 1 bite of the donut. But I didn't touch the cookies or the cider. Cider doesn't appeal to me. It's good - but I just don't care if I drink any of it. I'm weird.

Okay - my calories are a bit high - but it could be worse!!! Thier about 900 calories. And that's nto counting the bites of bannana I had... Not sure how much that was.

But, I did get to the gym today and burned 1100 calories in my Total Body class. It was a hard class today! And, when I look over the course of the week - I've made it to the gym 4 days - 5 times if you count Monday when I went twice. So Over all, I think I'm doing good. We'll just see if the scale agrees with me. I need to go easy this weekend. I'll be at a Woman's Expo, working a booth, and I can only imagine the tempting food that will be there. I'll have to bring snacks. But otherwise, I have dinner at the inlaws on Saturday - so that will prevent us from eating out. Eating in is always better than eating out.

Well, I'll keep you posted on the scale!

Starting Out

Well, today was a bit rocky! But productive.

So I weighed in this morning. I was 190 exactly. (which at WW would be more like 200 ~ the last thing I want to do is get over 200lbs!)

So I made some good choices today - although it doesn't feel like it helped me much. I ate a healthy breakfast, no snacks at church. But then at lunch, there was nothing to eat. So I ate at the grocery store. I considered picking up fast food on the way to the store. It was a weird afternoon. I was in a very moody place. And as soon as I knew there was nothing in the house for me - I didn't want anything in the house. I wanted to eat out. So eventually settling on the grocery store prepared food was what won out. But I didn't eat great. I ate Chinese. I have no idea how many calories - I don't really care today.

But I waited to eat dinner. We take the kids to church in the evening for Awana. And I was still full from lunch, so I skipped the dinner hour. So I ate when I got home - a bit late, but now I'm not as tempted to eat an evening snack.

Although as soon as I walked into the kitchen, I saw some pumpkin cookies I had made the other day. I wanted dessert. But I grabbed some grapes. I'm making better choices. Changing habits. Although it doesn't feel like much tonight. I wasn't low cal - but I cut back on my snacking and I didn't choose fast food.

I do have a meal plan for the week - which made shopping within the budget so much easier!
Monday: Chicken and veggies
Tuesday: Ham and Broccoli Quiche
Wed: Spaghetti/ravioli
Thurs: Dirty Rice w/ corn bread
Friday: ?? maybe pizza, or homemade chicken nuggets, or eat out.
Saturday: Eating at the In-laws

Just need to keep lunches and snacks in line!!!

So this evening, while driving, I remembered an old pair of jeans.Two actually. I liked them so much I had two. It was my first pair of stretch jeans - where have they been my whole life?!?!? I remember wearing them when I was working, after college. I was about 155 then. Until I got pregnant. I never did fit into them again, although I got close.

I want to wear those jeans again. I really want to. I think that's wear my motivation stems from.

And it got me thinking. Most of my friends now, didn't know me before kids. It's because of kids that we've come together. But they only know me - as who I am now. As a mom. As a larger size woman. But at one point, I was smaller. I wonder how different all my friends would look if I saw them in their previous life.

So - I went looking for a picture. Sadly, I could not find one. I did find several pics of me with some frumpier jeans on. Why did I have no fashion sense? I obviously would not buy those jeans now!

And the picture you see - the one at the start of the post - well, it brought tears to my eyes. That was my "before picture" when I was going to start some diet that never happened. Now, looking at the picture, I definitely had some tightening up to do in the mid section, and surely my legs as well. Well, toning up all over would have been good. But I was sooo skinny! I would love to be there right now! It's amazing how skewed and negative we are about ourselves! Are we never happy? Is it even possible to be happy? Because even when you are at the top of your game - there's always another mountain to climb. Another race to run.

I suppose what I should be learning is to be happy with who I am ~ as I am right now. But I'm just not. I just want to get back to who I was. I want to shead this layer, this coat of fat I've been holding onto. It's not who I am. Not really. I want to be free of it. I feel like I'm a fairly fit person. But I don't look like I am. I want to run and not feel the rolls bouncing around my middle and on my rear. I can feel the fat on me - and I'm ready to peel it off. I'm ready to take take back my body.

Here's another pic of ME!!! (the old me - to become me!)

Ready

I think I may be ready. Really ready.

Sometimes I need to warm up to new changes. Sometimes I jump in, but this time - I keep wanting to restart my weight loss without doing the work.

But now I think I'm ready.

Today - I was driving home from some shopping, and Taco Bell looked me right in the eye. KFC was waving me in. And McD's called me by name.

But I just drove home. I didn't need that. I don't need a double cheese burger right before I go home and eat lunch. And I kept reminding myself of what I had waiting at home. A pretty good lunch actually of leftover Olive Garden and/or leftover Hungry Howies. Yeah - not that much different than a burger, you're probably thinking. Well, calorie wise, your right. The difference lies in habit and decision making. I usually can't resist an urge that strong and would have stopped somewhere. But I decided today was the day. That nothing changes if I don't actually stop the cycle. So I didn't go. I talked myself off the ledge. I looked away from Taco Bell. I waved bye to KFC and pretended I didn't hear my name at McD's. And I called my husband to remind me of what we had to eat!!!!

I didn't do great eating today and there was no time for the gym. But I am ready. I'm changing my habits. I'm becoming more aware of choices I can make. I'm looking for the better choice. I think I'm ready to start this things weight loss process again.

So tomorrow, I will weigh in. I haven't officially done this in quite some time... But you can't lose weight if you don't start somewhere! It will have to be on my scale, and not an official WW scale. (So it's off by 8-10 lbs) But it's a start.

I think I'll give myself a little leeway and count calories, but not necessarily my dinner calories. I always fall of the wagon in that department because it's just too complicated. So if I keep the rest of my daily calories below X - then I'll just eat a sensible dinner, smaller plate - that whole deal. And leave it at that. Lets' lay it out:

1. Count calories, keep daily calories below 800 + dinner.
2. No evening snacks, and if I do - eat fruit. Once a week I can have a bowl of cereal for evening snack.
3. No fast food stops.
4. Exercise 3-5 days a week.
5. Weigh in once a week.
6. Drink pop only when eating out(diet, of course.)

So, tonight I'm planning the meals for the week. This should help alot. My biggest down fall is needing food fast when I'm too tired to make a healthy choice or cook a healthy meal. My first hurtle is lunch tomorrow. I know we shouldn't eat out(don't have the money) but I'm always starving and there's nothing "yummy" at home because Sunday is shopping day. I'll let you know how it goes - especially with the (gulp)weigh in!