New Blog!!!

Hi everyone! I just wanted to let you know I've started another blog - not that I would stop this one. But it's focus will be on Wholesome Living. This is an area in our lives that we are focusing on - and I want to blog about it, but this blog doesn't always seem like the appropriate venue. SO I hope you'll come check it out!

Focusing - Part 2

So - I started my last post with certain thoughts in mind, and they didn't quite make it into the post! So let's try this again!

It all started yesterday when we went as a family to a local indoor water park. I've gotten over myself on how I look in a suit - it's really just denial. I actually like my suit - skirt and all - but let's just say - the camera stayed home on purpose.

Two things occurred to me while I was there. 1. I need a new suit. 2. I'm ready to go to Disney.

Let's start with #1. I've been wanting a new suit, mostly because when I do water classes or if I'd want to swim laps - it's pretty dumb with a skirted suit. (And this is NOT an old lady skirted suit... it is pretty nice! I promise!) Anyway - I hate to buy a big suit and then have it be too big. Suits are expensive - at least any that I would consider buying. And I would consider swimming laps - but I'm not sure I'm ready to dedicate my routine to the pool. That's alot of extra hassle I just don't care for. Plus - I noticed it's worn thin right in the front top - not so much that I fell exposed or anything - but enough that this suit has a limited number of uses left. Focus: So I want to start trimming down so I can get a new suit sooner.

#2. It was sooooo nice to be at this indoor water park. I had decided before winter we would spend a day there. Just to get rid of the winter blues that were sure to come. It's always 78 degrees in there and of course you're in a nice themed fun atmosphere! Just puts a person in the mood for their Disney trip! Now I'm not ready to go-go, but it's helping me focus. Focus: I have 8-9 months to actually accomplish something here. I still need to work out my plan for the week - but I've already started with today.

Today's plan: Today I am going to Zumba at noon. This leaves me the morning to accomplish household activities.(which is really my best time mentally to do this.) I drove my daughter to school so I could make a stop at Walmart and find a few key items not at the grocery store. So I checked that off the list. I've been trying to eat really well today - but it's hard when you wake up at 4 am.

All those extra hours in the day - makes you hungry. I had a small bowl of cereal, a piece of toast and a banana. All at different times. And I'm starving! I definitely need to eat something before zumba - so will the kids. So I will try to hold off until my early lunch. I believe I have one more serving of White Chicken Chili left. That would be better than the chicken broccoli alfredo I have, right? Wish I would have figured out the calories for those when I made them. So there's the plan. Spaghetti for dinner with salad. I have alot of veggies I didn't use last week - hopefully most of them are still good.

Focusing

Well, the past two weeks have been hard. Just personally hard. With death and funerals with sickness and more sickness - I'm ready to move on.

I got sick Tuesday evening. All of Wednesday I was miserably sick. And each day I've gotten better - but I wasn't instantly better. Often nothing sounded good to eat - but I'd be starving and nauseous because I was starving. But certain food just sounded gross.

I did lose some weight - but did I really lose any weight? I'm not sure. I weighed myself this morning - I was 207. A pound lower than before I got sick. But my starting weight was 206.6 - so I'd like to be below that. I did realize in church today that I'm bloated and swollen. My ring was very tight and uncomfortable. And I did notice some of my pants being too tight - but I just figured it was because they were freshly washed or my stomach was upset - so I was uncomfortable.

Anyways - what that tells me is I need to cut back on the salt. I need to get back to raw veggies and healthy choices. I started to eat cookies tonight - and I put it back and got a bowl of cereal. Sometimes- I just don't think about healthier options - I just want a bite size cookie snack.

Tomorrow is a pretty free day for me - so I don't know if I should tackle the house and sanitize everything? get tons of laundry done? There's plenty to do. Or if I should hit the store for the essential diet food/snacks or if I should hit the gym. I guess I have all week pretty open to do any of those things. I should make a plan for going to the gym. And then work around that. I'll post my plan when I have it layed out.

A New Start

Well - there's nothing like a good stomach bug to kick off your weight loss efforts!!!

Yesterday I was sick - all day. I weighed myself that evening, I did have a little bit to eat and drink by evening. I was at 202.5. Down a good 5 pounds. I'm sure that won't last - but hopefully I won't gain it all back. I had been over eating this past week dealing with my grandpa's death and funeral. But that's done now and I'm ready to get refocused. So soon as my body allows it.

So today I'm going to listen to my body and not over do it. I now get to tend to my husband who got sick the next day. Only 1 of my kids hasn't gotten sick yet. Hopefully it stays that way. It's not fun for anyone.

Weekend Excuses

So - I am FULL of excuses today. I mean this weekend. This week actually. I totally jumped off plan. In fact, I gave myself permission. Aren't I special?!

Do you want the list? I don't think you actually do. I hate excuses. But I'm someone that often makes excuses. But even as I say them or believe in them - all I hear is how lame they are and how lame I am for leaning on these excuses.

But despite all that, I just don't know that I'm ready to get on track.

--Deep Breath--

"Okay - suck it up Amy, and just make the right choices. You aren't going to get anywhere relying on excuses."

I really want to lose this weight before Disney in October. I don't want to be fat at Disney. I've done that before. I want to enjoy the trip to the fullest. Plus I'll be alot more comfortable in a van with 8 people for two days if I'm 50 pounds lighter.

So, tonight I will go to bed at a decent hour. I may even attempt to exercise in the morning. I have meals planned for the week. I just have to make them. And starting Wednesday - I can hopefully make it back to the gym.

A Mess

My desk is a mess. My kitchen is a mess. My hair is a mess. My eating is a mess.

I feel - well, I feel a mess.

I was gathering focus and purpose. A redirection for the new year. It was nice to have focus and purpose. To feel on track in many personal areas of my life. And as I described in my previous post - I am distracted. And rightly so. My grandfather passed away today. He is at peace. But with his peace - it stirs unrest in the living. Isn't it so? Because all of a sudden we are faced with our own immortality.

But I am a Christian. A born again christian. I have hope. I know where he is with certainty and so I don't need to grieve so dismally. And maybe I'm not. But still, here I am - being very philosophical when I rarely am. And actually - I think I am looking at immorality different than I ever have before. Although I am sad - I'm not as doom and gloom as I have been. I'm not playing the what if game (although now that I brought it up - what a great idea before bed!- sarcasm if you didn't notice it dripping...) Anyway - I think at this point I'm more interested in knowing my grandfather better - because there's so much of his life before I started paying attention. I'm also more interested in making the most of my life. ~But also in respect of my walk with God. Do I walk with purpose? Do I walk with His purpose? I don't feel like I do. Thank goodness I'm a mother and credited with this ever so "godly" purpose of raising godly children. Um - yeah, after I get of FB, right? (again, sarcasm. If you knew me, I wouldn't point this out so much an annoy the readers... sorry.)

So, I suppose I am facing my immortality and wondering what my purpose is. I don't need death to play this conversation in my head. I've been beating myself up about this for years. I know God has a plan for me - and I know I've done some good by it... walked with him and followed him. But day to day as a parent? I'm not so sure. It's not so easy to recognize. Although it's very easy to point out my selfish desires. Sometimes their hard to see - but try to take them away - and you'll see them.

So what now? I am a mess. I will probably continue to be a mess for the next week. And that's okay. Although I really hope I don't lose my motivation and the direction I had last week. I will take this time to focus more on my spiritual life. It is one of my priorities. And I'd like to know more about where my grandfather is. But I'm not worried about the future - or worried about all the what ifs. I'm excited to be more in-tune with God's plan for my life. And if I am more in-tune with that, then I guess I won't be such a mess after all.

Dieting

Well, I must say - this whole dieting thing is going really well for me! I haven't really changed much, I'm just actually counting calories now so I don't go over my allotment for the day. But I've been eating pizza and brownies(not alot) and just keeping it within my calories.

And it shows. I weighed myself again today - and now I'm down a full pound, in three days! So I'm hoping I don't totally mess it up this weekend and I can lose a good 2 pounds this week! I don't really know when my WI day is, I wanted it to be Friday - but I think I took an accurate measurement Sunday. and I was back at the normal 206.6. Well, wait. That means I've lost 1.6lbs because I'm at 205.0 today!!! Whoo HOoo!

This morning was a bit hard for me, I must say. I went to the grocery store for a few items. Well, I'm proud to say I successfully avoided the candy at checkout AND I didn't even look at the fast food on the way home. But it definitely crossed my mind. The normal me would have stopped for something somewhere. Especially since I only had 1 kid with me and I wouldn't have to share. But I knew that would totally blow my calories for the day. And I'm down. I want to keep going. (I also lied to myself and told myself all the sinful treats/lunch I could have at home... which I hopefully will avoid. But I needed to know I had an out if I was desperate.)

Now, what I want to do is go to the gym and run tonight - stay on track with my C25K program. But tonight is also the church Ladies Night - and it sounds like it's going to be fun, and most of my friends will be there. I'm kinda torn right now. Here's another example of feeling obligated to do something when I'd rather do something else. I'm sure I'd have more fun at church - but I just kinda want to do my own thing at the same time. My extrovert juices don't seem to be flowing so much for me right now. Most likely because of my grandpa.

MIA

Sorry I've been so absent. I've been un-focused.

I think I'm at the cusp of being on track with my diet - which I've been waiting all year for that internal motivation to kick in. Well - I think it's here, but I've had some other obligations distracting me.

First distraction - My BeautiControl Spas. I'm a BC consultant in case you haven't heard - and I love doing spa parties. But I think I'm ready to let that take a back seat in my world. I don't want to be done, I just need to turn my attention other places(like weight loss) and limit my Spa activities. After I complete my taxes, of course.

Second distraction - My Grandfather. His health has been declining, and it looks like he's going to die very soon. This is very heart breaking because we thought he would recover. But we heard word yesterday that his kidneys are failing, so it's not so much a guessing game anymore. Which I think is good. I'm sure he'll be much more comfortable and be loving himself a little peace of Heaven - literally. He's always been such a Godly man, it's heard to see him so broken. So pray for my family - if you are someone who prays, I'll be heading down to see him again today. (They live 45 minutes away.)

This is my grandpa at Thanksgiving. This is just a few days before he entered the hospital and began playing the "recovery game." :(

So - not so much a distraction in a negative way - but my schedule is not my own. And I have been making healthy choices irregardless of the emotional upheaval. Who knows what this weekend will bring.

So my priorities - other than family - are to continue making healthy eating choices. And counting calories. I actually counted calories yesterday!! I *think* I was at 1700.(* I think that because I don't know how many calories was in the homemade potato soup.) My goal was 1600, but I needed an evening snack. Not because I was hungry - but because I had gone to the gym for the second time that day and had run a mile - amongst other things. So I figured my body deserved something to recuperate. So I had a bowl of cereal.

Weigh In

Well, Friday is supposed to be my WI day - but I forgot. I did WI Saturday, after my workout. So I don't know how accurate it is. Although I WI just this morning and was the same weight. I am 205.5. I'm actually pretty excited about this. When I first WI after the new year I was 206.3. I ate pretty poorly late last week, although the weekend wasn't horrible. In fact - I feel like I'm back on track. I'm eating more fruit and veggies. I'm cooking more whole foods - clean recipes. It's our healthy lifestyle- not just a diet.

Food Ideas

So - as I'm trying not to over eat today, I need some suggestions. I realized after a reasonable lunch - I need a cookie. Something sweet, preferrably bite sized and fast.

We have no cookies because I threw away the christmas cookies already. Eventaully I remembered the stockings. Reese cups!

So please - I need another alternative!!!! And we're trying to eat clean. So nothing too packaged. And I'm not the biggest fan of fruit. Although that does remind me I have some dried apricots. I could eat those if I needed to. I still need some other alternatives. Even if I need to prep ahead of time. That will work.

Thank you!!

Happy Birthday!!!!

So yesterday was my birthday - Thank you!

And it derails every New Years *plan* I have every year. I get started on a new diet plan and then surprisingly - my birthday comes along and I get my favorite meal and cake and ice cream! Then I totally give up and never start again. Well, till next year - or three weeks before summer.

So - is this year any different? Well - yes!

I don't know when the change began, but probably in the past year or two - my mindset has changed from "all or nothing" - to "start again tomorrow." A much healthier perspective.

Also keep in mind that I've never been the one to whole heartily stick to a plan and miss the joys (aka food) of a particular season. For example - just because I need to lose weight and diet - I will not deprive myself of my favorite fresh strawberry desserts in June. I won't wait another whole year to eat them!!! But somewhere in there - there has to be balance. Obviously. Otherwise - every occasion is a reason to *enjoy* all the food around me.

So my birthday - how's it go? Well, not so good. And don't expect better from me today, either. Yesterday I was kind of depressed... sadly. I don't know why, but I just couldn't improve my mood most of the day. And being my birthday - I surrounded myself with lots of treats - to help fix my mood. I'm sure all of you know that doesn't really work. And it didn't.

Today I've had a good night's sleep and alot of it - so I'm much more "happier" ~ the sun has even come out today! I still haven't eaten great and don't plan to. We're going out for mexican and the coming back for dessert. A special cake made for me by my kiddos and my mother-in-law. I think my husband is more excited that I am!

So have no fear - there is light at the end of this self- sabotage tunnel!! Today, and maybe yesterday, as I ate and ate and ate.. junk junk junk ... it just doesn't taste good! I can taste the chemicals - the unhealthy crap that's in there. And I don't like it. I don't want it. So today, at lunch - I skipped my diet coke. I know - diet coke is horrible for you!!! But I knew it wouldn't actually taste good - and would kind of ruin the lunch. So I skipped it. I appeased myself by saying I could have some with dinner tonight if I wanted to.

I'm glad we've made many changed to eat cleaner. And I plan on doing so more and more. My taste buds are ready for it. And tomorrow is a new day - like everyday. And although I haven't made great strides so far this year - doesn't mean I'm giving up. Tomorrow I have plans to go to the gym. I printed out my plan to run a 5K. Things are going to change.

Confessions

Well. I'm of the detox diet. It was a just a three day cleanse... but I couldn't do it. I'm not totally discouraged with myself. The first day really enlightened me that I can take control over my diet. I can choose to be different in my diet. And I will. But I shouldn't have expected such a restrictive diet was the way to start. Controlling my diet is my biggest challenge.

So, tomorrow I will count calories. Unfortunately - I don't have a real plan in this. But, I do have alot of vegetables - so I think I can make a good start at it. And tracking is half the battle. And measureing... ugh....

Okay. Tomorrow is a new day!

Results of Day 1

Well - I could have done worse with eating yesterday. But overall, I think I did pretty well. I did have two unauthorized snacks in the evening. I had a piece of homemade bread, toasted with butter and a bowl of cereal. I didn't even like the cereal that much. But even with these two snacks, I wanted more. But I resisted.

So this morning - I was very excited to see I lost 2.3 pounds!!! This is the first weight I've lost in a long time!!! Whoo HOoo!!!!!!! My husband losta pound too - which I thought was wierd. He shoudl have lost more. But although he followed the plan - he did skip certain things - and ate mroe fruit than he should have, skipped the morning lemon juice.

More later!

Detox - Summary of Day 1

Well, this isn't a fair title, because the day is hardly over. The evening(aka snacking hours) are still to come.

First off - I have to say my husband has done awesome. The only thing he hasn't done was drink the proper amount of water. I'm sure he's had more than enough fruits - but he stayed on plan at dinner - despite me offering an alternative(rice).

I, on the other hand, have fallen away from the plan. 2-3pm is a very 'witching' sort of hour. I know that's the typical time when blood sugars drop and snacking are at their worst. And I caved. I just felt so unfulfilled after a salad I didn't hardly enjoy.

Excuses - excuses.

I haven't totally given up the plan. Although I didn't eat my best at dinner(I opted for the rice instead of 'riced cauliflower') ~ but I packed leftovers for dinner tomorrow. I cooked up another meal for my husband (similar to dinner tonight - just with more of the ingredients that I don't like.) So tomorrow is still set up to be good. It's just a matter of avoiding the 'witching' hour.

And either way - I'm eating less calorically than I normally would. I suppose I should figure out the calories of the three cookies I had - but three cookies is alot less than I normally eat too.

Overall - not a bad day. Just not a perfect day. I'm fighting the urge of being over ridden with guilt at not being perfect (especially when my husband has done so well!) But controlling my diet is the single hardest thing for me - and I should be content with all the positive choices I did make.

Food on Detox Plan

I know what you're thinking - that I'll post all the great food I'm east and going to eat. But really - I don't know how I'm going to get through the day - let alone three days!

I haven't cheated yet - unless you could the pb I licked off my finger after making lunch for my kids. I'll tell you what though - I would LOVE some peanut butter!!!!

So far I haven't eaten very much. Part of the problem to be sure. But of all the "healthy eating" aspects - eating fruits and veggies is one of the hardest for me. I'm not against them... I do include them into my diet... but good carbs and protein more my favorite. So this detox has additional challenges for me.

My lunch plan... a hearty salad. although I do plan on using regular italian dressing - not just oil and vinegar. The dressing is pretty low in sugars, I noticed. So I will have it. I don't care for salads as it is - I need something! I'm also looking forward to showering as soon as my son lays down for a nap. He's been very destructing this morning - so I'm afraid to do so. My plan is just to stay busy - and today is my day at home... so it's much more important to do so.

So I'm still strong. Just tempted. It's be easier if my kids were on this diet too... well - not really! but we can pretend!

Detox - Day 1

Well - so far I'm doing it! I started with some hot lemon water this morning, to curb my cravings. I do think it helped... but I'm hungry and really want some homemade bread I made last night!!

So far I've had a banana and a few carrots. I haven't had much water - I think I made it too cold. I think I'll put a pitcher in the fridge and skip the ice. So - my next task is to drink more water and then I might finish my bag of raw veggies.

I can't believe I'm doing this? Am I really doing this?

I also borrowed a walking video from my mom. It's recommended that I cut down on exercise during the detox. But I want to do something. Thankfully my mom dropped it off for me this morning! What a great mom! But if I do some exercise - I could probably have a little protein with dinner... (which I'm not supposed to, but 100% veg is pretty hard for me!)

Well, that's it for now.. I'm sure I'll post back later.

New Year Shopping

Well - everyone else must have decided to eat healthy this year too! Because produce was sparse!!! I didn't get any bananas and I couldn't get my leafy greens organic... but I got most of what I wanted.

Right now, my best friends are my salad spinner and my Tupperware Fridge Smart - to keep my produce fresh longer. It really works too. I washed and dried all my spinach and it lasted 1.5 weeks. Normally it wouldn't have lasted the week. And I kept putting off making spinach balls - so I was very happy to see it was still fresh when I did need it. So I'm hoping it keeps my boston lettuce and spinach good well into the week. I have my fruit basket in a Fridge Smart container too.

Well - I need to figure out how to cook some of these recipes - so my husband and I can eat for the next couple days. I figure if I prep some stuff now - we'll be more likely to stay on plan. Nothing new with that idea. I'm excited to do this - lose some weight and detoxify. I'm sure I'll be posting alot - especially as I'm tempted to eat - well, anything!

Healthy Eating Kick Start

Well.... I'm ready. I threw out a couple half-filled plates of cookies this morning. I'm ready to clean out the rest of the cupboards too. I'm just tired of this junk. Sure - I'll have some cravings. But overall, I'm ready for a change. I'm rather disgusted with myself.

So I need a plan. I don't have alot of money to buy groceries for this week(due to Christmas goodies) but we do have alot of fresh fruit from our annual Christmas fruit basket.

I realized in the past day or two of making my resolutions - that I need a plan. I'm afraid to make a specific goal - but I still need a plan. Especially to start off with. I was looking online - and I think I'm going to start with a three day Clean Living detox plan. It's pretty much all veggies, three fruits a day - and hot lemon water to start the day. Plus lots of water throughout the day.

I'm pretty excited about this. It helps I just gorged myself at Chipolte just a little bit ago. Who could be hungry? It was very good - and I loved the fresh organic ingredients... but I ate way too much and it cost more than we're used to paying. Wish we could afford it more often. ((Priorities... If we ate less at the cheap precessed restaurants we could afford it. Unfortunately, our town has very few - if any other organic choices. Off the top of my head, I can only think of Panera. I might be wrong.))

So Today - healthy eating, but tomorrow - detox plan. I do have plans to exercise some too - but I think I'll keep it easy those first few days - as suggested.

I'll have to give an official weight - I did weight myself Saturday and Sunday. It was 206.6lbs. Not happy to be in the 200s again. But not for long. WI day is Friday.